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   messageicon All I’m sayin is that you’re not gonna want my kid doing your taxes after being homeschooled by me.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Cupid, Next time hit both.
←Rate | 09-14-2020 12:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the main thing dating apps have taught me is that there are towns within 20 miles of me that I’ve somehow never heard of
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still eat around bruised parts of fruit like a scared 4-year-old.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say the average adult has sex 54x a year. So, this should be a heck of a 3 months!
←Rate | 10-03-2020 10:21 by KennyOpiola Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sneaking into my neighbour’s home just to raid the kitchen and then accidently setting the house on fire is how I will end up in prison.
←Rate | 10-05-2020 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
←Rate | 10-08-2020 17:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanksgiving is coming...time to set the weigh scale ahead 8 lbs.
←Rate | 10-13-2020 12:58 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven’t watched or read any news in two days, and at this point I’m just wondering why people waste money on sex and drugs to feel high.
←Rate | 10-21-2020 06:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hemorrhoids should be called a more gender-neutral name, such as themorrhoids.
←Rate | 10-21-2020 06:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “I love you but I don’t trust you,” I say to my dog as I put cheese and crackers on the table.
←Rate | 10-21-2020 06:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sure what level we just hit on Jumanji but I vote we just play Candyland next time.
←Rate | 02-17-2021 21:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listening to the news right now .... I'm trying to figure out which ones are the "Real" and which are the "Fake" News Channels. Some are portraying Fidel Castro as a Champion of the People. Is that considered as Real or Fake News?
←Rate | 11-26-2016 01:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This year I'm not giving up anything for Lent. I'm just giving up.
←Rate | 03-01-2017 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Day 3 of the flu is going well so far. I managed to brush my teeth without sneezing!!
←Rate | 03-08-2017 12:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do you ask me to press 1 for english when you know damn well you're going to transfer me to someone who doesn't speak english?
←Rate | 10-09-2019 06:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know who needs to hear this, but those single unmatched socks that have been on top of your dryer for years have a better chance of finding a mate than you do.
←Rate | 10-10-2019 06:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lady stabbed a guy singing Christmas Songs at the Mall. I bailed her out.
←Rate | 10-12-2019 12:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Considering the effort it takes to get into these damn things, I consider them all sports bras.
←Rate | 10-15-2019 04:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s normal for married couples to fight. The trick is for you and your spouse to find a couple you can easily beat up.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 17:04 Comments (0)  



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