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I still eat around bruised parts of fruit like a scared 4-year-old.
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10-02-2020 08:53
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They say the average adult has sex 54x a year. So, this should be a heck of a 3 months!
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10-03-2020 10:21 by
KennyOpiola
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Sneaking into my neighbour’s home just to raid the kitchen and then accidently setting the house on fire is how I will end up in prison.
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10-05-2020 08:00
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I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
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10-08-2020 17:22
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Thanksgiving is coming...time to set the weigh scale ahead 8 lbs.
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10-13-2020 12:58 by
Gripenfelter
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I haven’t watched or read any news in two days, and at this point I’m just wondering why people waste money on sex and drugs to feel high.
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10-21-2020 06:05
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Hemorrhoids should be called a more gender-neutral name, such as themorrhoids.
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10-21-2020 06:07
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“I love you but I don’t trust you,” I say to my dog as I put cheese and crackers on the table.
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10-21-2020 06:11
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I'm not sure what level we just hit on Jumanji but I vote we just play Candyland next time.
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02-17-2021 21:34
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Every office should have a Parliament mode, when you don't wanna work, start shouting and go home
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01-17-2018 03:23
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Unless he releases a men’s fragrance, I think Elon Musk should be ordered to legally change his name.
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01-19-2018 21:41 by
Cicci
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I am now at the age that I understand the joy on game shows when someone wins new kitchen appliances
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01-28-2018 20:35
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My bachelor pad is lacking a sofa now that Mom wants her Caravan’s third row seating back.
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02-01-2018 04:16
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Rumor has it there's a Tesla floating out in space somewhere. Finders keepers!!!
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02-06-2018 18:36
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I'm kinda glad that dinosaurs are extinct cause I'm pretty sure I'd try to ride one after a few beers.
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02-10-2018 05:30
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If zombies eat the living and vultures eat the dead, what do zombie vultures eat and what do you mean this isn't an emergency, 911 operator?
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02-11-2018 01:22
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When I see lover's names craved into a tree. I don't think it's cute. I just think it strange how many people take knives on a date.
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02-14-2018 19:20 by
Jake
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My food pyramid is currently in its cubist phase
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02-26-2018 14:12
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Whose bright idea was it to allow spiders, snakes and mosquitos on the ark? I want names.
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02-28-2018 13:08
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I can't really afford Essential Oils so let's see what we have in the pantry.
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03-08-2018 22:37
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