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I like that you hate me a little. It shows respect.
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07-05-2018 02:33
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I’m the way I am because of that very first time I sneezed and no one blessed me.
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07-13-2018 00:38
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Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
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07-13-2018 01:35
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*breaks a sweat* Sweatshop Owner: You’re gonna have to pay for that
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07-18-2018 07:20
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Just BUY the klondike bar. What's the big deal?
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07-22-2018 09:44
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Wives if your husband says something and you're not around to hear it is he still wrong?
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07-22-2018 15:16 by
Jake
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When Jimmy Garoppolo said he watches a lot of film, I thought it was talking about football
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07-26-2018 10:01 by
Kado
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Netflix should probably just start asking "Is there someone I should call?"
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07-28-2018 08:58
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Dear problems..plz gimme a discount..I'm your regular customer
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08-27-2018 12:31 by
raman911
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"Better to be the worst of the best, than the best of the worst."
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09-10-2018 03:28
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Saying “just kidding” is a way to tell the truth without getting punched in the face.
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09-10-2018 06:49
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If you leave a cupcake out long enough, it just becomes a cookie
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10-14-2018 02:40 by
Drew
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There is strength in loyalty; not in numbers.
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10-20-2018 10:04
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If I had a pet unicorn, I'd probably just use it to carry my donuts around.
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10-21-2018 06:31
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. A Hypochondriac is a person who can't leave well enough alone.
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10-22-2018 21:43 by
Haha
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Whoever coined the phrase, "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
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10-27-2018 07:47
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Sometimes I put my car in neutral at stoplights and roll back a little so people will think I drive a manual...
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11-03-2018 16:14 by
Gabe
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All I’m sayin is that you’re not gonna want my kid doing your taxes after being homeschooled by me.
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07-20-2020 08:28
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Dear Cupid, Next time hit both.
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09-14-2020 12:53
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the main thing dating apps have taught me is that there are towns within 20 miles of me that I’ve somehow never heard of
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10-02-2020 08:48
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