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Ten bucks says next year Planet Fitness uses the slogan “Flatten Your Curve.” 
If we are being honest, we all have dated a man/woman that we would feed to a tiger.
The 11th Commandment:...Thou shalt not covid thy neighbor
Then: Teenage girls kept a private diary and got upset if anyone read it. Now: They reveal everything on Facebook and get upset if no one reads it.
People who confuse the word "burro" with "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
I googled my symptoms into Web Md. Turns out I have Gary Busey .
Tried to make my own hand sanitizer but I think I just made a margarita.
The worst part about working from home is when your coworkers clog the toilet
I feel like I'm watching a tv show called "Lockdown Got Talent" because this lockdown has people thinking they're gym instructors, chefs, dancers, etc...
Brooks Brothers just filed for bankruptcy, so now I might never be able to use this $50 gift card on one sock.
Hate is too powerful an emotion
to waste on somebody
you don't even like.
Dating site for pyromaniacs: Match.com
Winter storm named Grayson sounds like it should be wearing a tweed jacket
Anybody have a treadmill for sale? My closet is full and I need more space to hang my clothes
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use my bank account?
I just tried to pull my sleeve up and accidentally punched myself.its ok though,I've had it coming for some time now.
Origami was invented by a guy who kept running out of toilet paper
I have my headphones on at the Gym, but judging by the reactions, that was an audible fart
I think the best way to fight insomnia is redecorate my bedroom to look like Ms. Stewart's 10th grade math class
AA meetings would be less boring if you could drink at them. 