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It's only cheating if you get caught. Well, if you never get caught, you're stuck in two meaningless relationships. 
says the people I work with are making me crazy, I think there should be some kind of test for babies in the delivery room. If the test shows they're going to grow up stupid they should be neutered immediately.
I saw a big billboard that said "We Buy Ugly Houses".... so... I gave them my neighbors' address. :)
Cause nobody says, "Slow down, theres a security gaurd!"
they say Facebook is worth $50 billion, Facebook you think you could pay someone to fix all the dam glitches
if I could afford the wood I would have your mouth boarded up!!!
Facebook is making it to easy and socially acceptable to stalk people.
Max Factor - A mathematical equation based on the density of the makeup applied to a woman's face to determine if she is really beautiful.
It's kind of sad that they replaced Mailbox on Blue's Clues with e-mail.
figured out that bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Don't worry about it, the next man no matter how much he is smiling and acting like they got it together is struggling too! Keep fighting.
"Like a good neighbor....State Farm is there......with a shovel....getting all this white crap outta my yard"
Oprah's show on Veganism just inspired me to eat a Cheeseburger.
A neurotic is a person who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the person who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the person who collects the rent.
When I die, someone please change my status to: "He's DEAD, Jim"
Nothing kills your weight loss success, like thinking you can wear spandex.
I remember something traumatic from when I was two days old. The Doctor performing my circumcision looked at me, with knife in hand and said, "It won't be long now!"
Don't take me for granted and break my heart, because unlike the others, I will kick your a$$.
Apparently Anthony Weiner has too many photos of his junk to keep track of..
Dont wear white shorts and a blue thong and get mad when our eyes lock...thats like sitting at a bar and getting mad when the bartender asks if you want a drink 