Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon can you believe that 6 months ago we just let random people breathe on us
←Rate | 10-01-2020 07:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mama Bear: The porridge is ready Papa Bear: Perfect let’s leave for a couple of hours
←Rate | 10-01-2020 07:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Look. If you've cornholed one chubby mama, you've cornholed them all.
←Rate | 10-01-2020 07:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Social Distancing has taken all the sport out of trying to avoid people.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 22:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hope I don't get any trick-or-treaters this year as restaurants stop giving away fast food condiments.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 19:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Keep your nose out of my business" as a whole new meaning towards people who can't keep their nose in their masks.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Def Leppard are a bunch of liars. I poured some sugar on a girl one time and it was a complete mess, she was not happy at all.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people dream of doing great things with their lives, my dream is to have an alpaca named Al Pacacino.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The wife says our marriage is boring so I replaced the air freshner in the bathroom with an air horn
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We haven’t seen the full damage this epidemic will cause, that will happen in about five to seven months with all of the gender reveal parties.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alexa, set the neighbor’s fire alarms for 3am.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Looking at pictures of myself as a kid taken just after my mother cut my bangs makes me wonder what she used to mix in her Tang.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon May your coffee kick in before reality does.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My phone: 58%. My husband’s phone: 7%. Me: Honey, I need your charger.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fun Fact: In New York City it’s a Class A felony for a pizzeria to run out of pepperoni.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who make their cars come to a complete halt on top of a railroad tracks to look both ways to see if a train is coming need to stop!....I mean go!
←Rate | 09-30-2020 12:39 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Joe B. to wife: I’d love to go to the mall with you honey, but the court order says I can’t come within 50 feet of any mannequins.
←Rate | 09-29-2020 09:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As chickens are descended from dinosaurs, dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets must be the ultimate mockery of what their lineage has become.
←Rate | 09-29-2020 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Making homemade peanut butter isn’t as hard as people make it out to be if you just pre-chew the peanuts first. For more helpful cooking tips follow my blog “Tell Me She didn’t Really Just Do That”.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People will stop talking to you if you challenge them to a rap duel.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:42 Comments (0)  

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