Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
←Rate | 03-02-2017 08:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In United's defense, they only claimed the skies were friendly. They said nothing about what happens on the ground.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 13:27 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Politician: one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
←Rate | 07-14-2013 03:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
←Rate | 04-08-2017 22:46 by XC Comments (0)  

   messageicon Live such that when the mortician prepares you for your funeral, he must struggle to get that grin off your face.
←Rate | 05-08-2017 22:51 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if there's a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
←Rate | 06-03-2017 09:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
←Rate | 09-06-2017 16:08 by BabyD Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's ironic how those who bemoan being judged by their color are now the one's judging folks by their color. 1 |
←Rate | 09-23-2017 07:27 by Fact Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who else has this problem? "I want to start eating my meal, but I can't find the perfect TV show to watch while I eat"
←Rate | 04-29-2017 06:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cop: Turn around Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round. Cop: Turn around! Me: Every.. *gets tased*
←Rate | 05-08-2017 08:10 by Mike c Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet - you can hide, but you can't run.
←Rate | 05-13-2017 08:50 by Barkley Comments (1)  

   messageicon When Robert E. Lee was in high school, I wonder if he was voted Most Likely to Secede.
←Rate | 07-25-2017 08:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to make a millenial laugh: tell them you have only 22 photos of your entire childhood.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:46 by MarkF Comments (0)  

   messageicon Establish dominance by telling your doctor that you need to lose weight before he tells you that you need to lose weight
←Rate | 03-28-2017 12:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The most expensive special election in Georgia history is over. The Republicans are laughing their Ossoff.
←Rate | 06-21-2017 08:14 Comments (4)  

   messageicon I'd be 100 % more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
←Rate | 12-30-2011 08:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are only two things I want out of life! 1. Lose Weight 2. Eat!
←Rate | 07-20-2012 07:32 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  

   messageicon United Airlines just released their new frequent flyer app. Easy to use, too. It's all drag and drop.
←Rate | 04-12-2017 09:01 by djjackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
←Rate | 04-14-2017 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man I am beat! Feel like I just flew on United
←Rate | 04-16-2017 09:39 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  

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