Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon [Giving my kid some valuable life advice] If you’re having cereal for dinner, you have at least two bowls. Otherwise it’s just a snack.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 10:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 10:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe, if they didn't take the test, they wouldn't even have it.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 09:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still eat around bruised parts of fruit like a scared 4-year-old.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tag every baby photo you see on on Facebook as Verne Troyer.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fact: you spend an average of 1.3 hrs of your life in the pantry looking for the damn paprika
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alexa! Wake me up if there is an emergency like the world‘s about to get normal
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My 4yo asked for a skeleton to sleep in her room with her, in case you’re wondering the level of freak show I can inspire
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t know about anyone else but the second I see a cop in my rear view mirror..I know he’s running my plates and about to pull me over for the bank heist I imagined last week..
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Caught my son on an archaeology website looking at dirty pitchers.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the main thing dating apps have taught me is that there are towns within 20 miles of me that I’ve somehow never heard of
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to go dumpster diving but eventually concluded that my local swimming pool was a better place to do it.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you take a closer look, you will see a piece of mind your own business stuck in my teeth.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s too bad you unfollowed me, I was about to propose.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just had to run my daughter a second bath because the first, and I quote, had a hair in it
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think it’s impossible to be late for work when you work from home, we probably can’t be friends.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are 2 types of people in this world: those that can parallel park on the 1st try and those that don’t think they are better than everyone else.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't matter who wins the Presidency. The entire world's zeitgeist (the spirit of the age) is going through a tumultuous change, and no man or group possesses the power to affect it.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 05:59 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve lost more friends to Candy Crush than Crystal Meth.
←Rate | 10-01-2020 16:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Where can I go now to get a good vodka, steak and mortgage?
←Rate | 10-01-2020 15:46 Comments (0)  



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