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U - Haul is looking for drivers to bring back vehicles from Canada. . . 
I'm so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
Let's make humility great again.
Looks like 84 Lumber won't get hired to build the wall...
Why is it we always have money for wars, but we can't feed the poor?
If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods would someone else make a sound?
Did you know you can replace Sweet Child O Mine with Sweet Glass O Wine and it makes for an even better song
This Pokémon stuff is getting way too serious. My doctor was giving me a colonoscopy yesterday and found a Pikachu.
2016 Presidential election. ISIS is claiming responsibility for this act of terror.
I got an email from Google Earth saying it can read maps backwards, but then I thought... That's just spam.
Cold cereal is the sweatpants of food.
Just helped an elderly man cross the street by honking my horn repeatedly
The first thing I notice on a girl are her eyes. Unless she's not looking, then it's her tiits...
If men are stronger than women, why do men in Video Games need full plate armor and a woman only needs a chainmail bikini?
Amazon would have delivered these ballots in 2 days.
When the doc said my prostate was healthy this morning, I was deeply touched.
was playing air drums to Rush in my car and lost a stick out the window. I had to change over to Def Leppard.
I was happily watching the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra when the guy on triangle disappeared.
Wife ask where I'd like to be buried. Ball deep in your sister wasn't the answer she was expecting.
My wife stepped out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the damned drain is clogged again." 