Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon The worst thing about the boom in restaurant deliveries is the normalizing of eating lukewarm food.
←Rate | 10-05-2020 08:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: I like that we wear our masks in bed. Jennifer Aniston: How do you keep getting in here? Brad Pitt: Let him stay.
←Rate | 10-05-2020 08:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sneaking into my neighbour’s home just to raid the kitchen and then accidently setting the house on fire is how I will end up in prison.
←Rate | 10-05-2020 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sometimes wonder when I turn on the news if I'm watching breaking news about the Coronavirus or if they've playing the same broadcast on repeat since March?
←Rate | 10-03-2020 23:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon New England Patriots QB Cam Newton tested positive for Covid. Next game postponed, yet still find a way to win.
←Rate | 10-03-2020 17:52 by FlakedCurb Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say the average adult has sex 54x a year. So, this should be a heck of a 3 months!
←Rate | 10-03-2020 10:21 by KennyOpiola Comments (0)  


   messageicon Denounce Hate! But we hope he dies! This is what we're dealing with.
←Rate | 10-03-2020 10:08 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The Rock has lost 48 million followers in the last few days.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 16:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men must have ex 22 times a month in order to not be a risk of prostate problems
←Rate | 10-02-2020 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I overheard my neighbor tell someone on the phone that I was creepy. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under the bed & confronted her.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 13:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a “Baby On Board” sticker is a little faded and beat up you know the kid is at least a year or two old now and the car is safe to ram
←Rate | 10-02-2020 13:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t be that guy that goes around saying “Don’t Be That Guy.”
←Rate | 10-02-2020 13:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My 10yo rejected a pair of socks because she could “feel the polka dots” if you’re wondering what the girl from The Princess and the Pea is up to these days.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 13:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Banks need to do a better job filling their ATM's. 3rd one in a row that's saying "Insufficient Funds"
←Rate | 10-02-2020 11:44 by KennyOpiola Comments (0)  


   messageicon Working on my new book, “How to Get Through Life Without Reading.”
←Rate | 10-02-2020 11:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As of yesterday it is illegal to eat road kill in Montana. "Road kill" is such an ugly phrase. I prefer the term "vehicularly harvested."
←Rate | 10-02-2020 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, congratulations to the Obamas, who are celebrating their wedding anniversary today. They were going to go out to dinner, but they couldn’t find a sitter for Biden.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when a blue moon was a rare and romantic thing, and now it’s probably something terrible on Urban Dictionary?
←Rate | 10-02-2020 11:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Five parrots separated at British zoo after they wouldn’t stop swearing at guests
←Rate | 10-02-2020 10:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are fasting you can’t swallow that piece of food that’s been between your teeth for the past 17 hours.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 10:59 Comments (0)  



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