Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Wife giving you the silent treatment? Just loosen all the jar lids and keep the silence going !
←Rate | 01-27-2018 04:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people are like that annoying advert that interrupts a video you’re watching and you can’t skip it.
←Rate | 01-31-2018 23:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seen a midget carrying a plasma TV to his car and a yelled out, “Hey buddy! Need help carrying that TV?” He shouted, “It’s an iPAD A$$HOLE!”
←Rate | 02-12-2018 16:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout out to all the motel maids changing the sheets and the plumbers unclogging the hair filled drains this morning.
←Rate | 02-15-2018 07:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I admit women are hard to figure out. Like, why do they tilt their head in pictures ?
←Rate | 02-15-2018 07:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it's really the thought that counts, we're all screwed.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 22:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be a good person, but don’t waste time proving it.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
←Rate | 03-19-2018 15:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Key to any successful marriage is to discuss everything together and then finally settling with the wife's decision
←Rate | 03-23-2018 04:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1998: That guy is using a cell phone, probably a drug dealer. 2018: That guy is using a payphone, probably a drug dealer.
←Rate | 03-24-2018 09:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Pop Tart is really just a dessert Hot Pocket...
←Rate | 03-24-2018 23:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I did 50 squats today and I still can't find my lighter!
←Rate | 04-07-2018 00:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry Facebook ... you didn't protect me, my kids and grandma's secret peach cobbler recipe. You're now the new MySpace to me.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 06:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is an animal in bed, a sloth..
←Rate | 04-15-2018 11:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cartoons were better when people got anvils dropped on them and accidentally smoked dynamite like cigars.
←Rate | 12-19-2019 05:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How long are you supposed to wait before you unpause the tv after your wife tells you she wants a divorce?
←Rate | 10-23-2019 04:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
←Rate | 12-11-2019 13:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I drink I don't need a designated driver, I need a designated hide my phone person
←Rate | 10-27-2019 14:12 by kisstoper707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No sense buying a memory foam mattress if you're just going to toss and turn all night, it'll be confused.
←Rate | 10-31-2019 06:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was kid the internet was called Encyclopedia Britannica
←Rate | 11-03-2019 06:09 Comments (0)  



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