Funny Status Messages

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Page: 136 of 5593

   messageicon I like you, but not see you every damn day like you.
←Rate | 05-29-2018 12:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never gotten in or out of a hammock with my dignity intact.
←Rate | 05-29-2018 12:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to Starbucks right now,anybody need anything?
←Rate | 05-29-2018 18:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I used my girlfriend's body wash this morning and now I can't stop replying to text messages with "K"
←Rate | 06-06-2018 00:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I click on a porn video and I can see myself in the screen while it's loading?
←Rate | 06-19-2018 07:46 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.
←Rate | 07-13-2018 01:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life Lesson: The ONLY person that can pledge 100% loyalty to you is YOURSELF.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 14:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't "get even" or hold a grudge anymore, I take naps
←Rate | 08-20-2018 15:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Leaving your window open for an hour in the summertime and then the cast from f*@k!?g bug's Life start producing their second film!!
←Rate | 08-23-2018 18:27 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't hit people with glasses. Use your fists.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I felt naughty asking for my latte to be extra frothy
←Rate | 09-14-2018 00:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not the sort of person who is in a position to cast the first stone, but I sure as hell will cast the second one.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 18:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a big difference between a wise guy and a wise man...
←Rate | 09-23-2018 23:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough. Now he can hear the voices too.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We were so poor when I was a little boy that I had to share my sandbox with our cat.
←Rate | 08-30-2017 00:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hurricane Irma put Barbuda on the map. And also removed it.
←Rate | 09-09-2017 10:05 by Sabrina Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just built a hurricane proof home. Because I built it in Minnesota!
←Rate | 09-15-2017 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its true, Alcohol kills people. But on the bright side, if it wasn't for alcohol half my friend probably would have never been born.
←Rate | 10-16-2017 23:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love when I tell a cat owner I'm allergic and they look at me like I just confessed to a series of truck stop homicides.
←Rate | 10-17-2017 06:07 by unknowncomic Comments (0)  


   messageicon That time you used the flashlight on your phone to help look for your phone
←Rate | 10-17-2017 23:54 by Roach2001 Comments (0)  



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