Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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Page: 13 of 5461

   messageicon As we grow older, gravity becomes more and more evident. Things begin sagging, drooping and bouncing. It's still better than the alternative. No, I don't mean death. I mean f@t going up.
←Rate | 08-27-2020 08:31 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attention! Due to the extremity of Hurricane Laura's sustained winds, the States of Texas and Louisiana have just issued a toupee' alert.
←Rate | 08-26-2020 23:04 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe the1 million dollars in gofundme for Jacob Blake should be given to the 14 year old girl he raped instead.
←Rate | 08-26-2020 18:39 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Stay tuned for Cardi B's next big hit: "MIPWYTTSI"... (My Itchy Pu$$y Wants Your Tongue To Scratch It.)
←Rate | 08-26-2020 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come when I was a kid and lost a tooth it was all “Look at you, big guy!,” but now it’s just “Bro, you really gotta reconsider your life choices.”
←Rate | 08-26-2020 10:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if nobody was president and we all promised real hard to just be cool
←Rate | 08-25-2020 17:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Dems want everyone to vote by mail but Pelosi just called Congress back to DC so they could vote...
←Rate | 08-25-2020 09:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been all across this nation Traveled by train, plane, bus and car And I've never met one person that makes zzz sounds when they sleep
←Rate | 08-25-2020 09:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saved a ton money on a security system by hanging a picture of my paycheck on the front door.
←Rate | 08-25-2020 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I started wearing a mask before everyone started doing it, but then again I've always been a trendsetter like that.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 22:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2020 love life: The washing machine has seen me naked more often than anyone else.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 15:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looking for a new spicy potato chip? -Hot Pringles in your area
←Rate | 08-24-2020 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On Monday I have appointments at the psychologist and the gynecologist and if it was the 1800s that would be the same thing
←Rate | 08-24-2020 15:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife: *putting shoes on* Time to take out the garbage Me: Can we please go back to calling it date night
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the bright side, when wearing a face mask, I pick my nose in public much less often.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel bad for all the non-violent clowns who live in sewers
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my little sister is staying home for her first semester of college so i’m gonna puke in her shower and set off the fire alarm at 3am so she can get the true freshman year dorm experience
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just dumped a pack of M&M’s into my mask and am slowly eating them like a horse
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sexual position formally known as 69 is now called 96. Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has increased.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:35 Comments (0)  



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