Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Every dog has it's day . . . mine has his on the first day of March at H&R Block and usually ends up with a huge tax refund!
←Rate | 08-26-2018 16:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't go jogging in the morning because would just end up splashing coffee everywhere.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 05:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never drink because I wouldn't want to appear relaxed or approachable.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 05:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cop: You ran someone over. What was your motive? Me: Auto.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 05:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alexa, break up with my girlfriend for me. Alexa: You don’t have a girlfriend. Wow you’re fast.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 04:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon being #1 isn't always the best, the most popular pencil is #2 .
←Rate | 08-25-2018 19:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's funny, when my wife gives me the silent treatment. She actually thinks it's a punishment.
←Rate | 08-25-2018 18:36 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm afraid if I start working out I'll be too sexy
←Rate | 08-25-2018 06:17 Comments (1)  


   messageicon What does it mean when you drink an entire bottle of gin by yourself?
←Rate | 08-25-2018 04:14 Comments (2)  


   messageicon If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
←Rate | 08-25-2018 03:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ATTENTION: Due to BBQ setbacks, my ripped beach body Will be postponed another year. Thank you for understanding.
←Rate | 08-24-2018 09:50 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not the one who spent $600 on a first class ticket for my pet rabbit. Blame my wife!!
←Rate | 08-24-2018 09:43 by YouWho Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the baby ain't yo color, Ya ain't the Daddy Brotha !
←Rate | 08-23-2018 22:12 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it's $50 to let go"
←Rate | 08-23-2018 18:32 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Leaving your window open for an hour in the summertime and then the cast from f*@k!?g bug's Life start producing their second film!!
←Rate | 08-23-2018 18:27 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a protein shake for breakfast and now I communicate only by flipping tables.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m “imma keep this box cuz it looks like a good box” years old.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 15:14 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Take the guesswork out of romance by dying alone.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not asking questions for that friend anymore. Too embarrassing.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Service so bad the waitress owes you money
←Rate | 08-23-2018 14:51 Comments (0)  



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