Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Three more pension checks and I’ll have my student loan paid off.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 10:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My laptop is like my sex life, the data is corrupted.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 10:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your prayers are needed. Today I’m gonna tell my screenplay that it’s adapted.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 10:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it’s so stupid how stores are already selling halloween candy, like anybody is actually going door-to-door this year, I bought a 5lb bag.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 10:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Match(.com), but for socks.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 10:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [3am] Me: My Dog: time to set the world record for licking noises
←Rate | 09-02-2020 10:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The biggest problem in society today is that there is an entire generation of younger people that have never been punched in the face.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 08:30 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guys, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be nice and wipe the seat.
←Rate | 09-01-2020 23:22 by Oldtimer Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently my wife was just tying her shoe, and didn't want to play leapfrog
←Rate | 09-01-2020 16:46 by Grumpy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been at a hotel in Tampa for a few days. I like playing tricks on the maid. You know that paper band that comes wrapped around the toilet seat? Before I leave, I put it back on. Yesterday, she left me a bowl o
←Rate | 09-01-2020 11:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Amish girls make the best side chicks. They will never call you.
←Rate | 09-01-2020 11:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The long and thin goes further in, yet short and thick's what does the trick.
←Rate | 09-01-2020 07:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2020 is a jerk! It only wants to make our leader look bad.
←Rate | 08-31-2020 13:00 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If you have slept with someone who sounds like Darth Vader breathing, you understand why it’s so great to sleep alone.
←Rate | 08-31-2020 12:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm amazed that my iPhone suddenly stopped working just in time as the new iPhone came out.
←Rate | 08-31-2020 09:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you truly care about the friends you haven't seen in awhile, don't go see them during a pandemic.
←Rate | 08-31-2020 07:33 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Pro Tip: Adopt a retired drug dog to help find fun friends at parties.
←Rate | 08-31-2020 04:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Teacher: "Billy give me a sentence with the words defence, defeat, and detail in it." Bily: "When a horse jumps defence, defeat go first then detail.
←Rate | 08-30-2020 22:30 by Oldtimer Comments (0)  

   messageicon Love how I can remember the lyrics to just about any song written in the 70s but can't remember where I laid my car keys down last night?
←Rate | 08-30-2020 19:35 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon the more things change, the more they stay the same.
←Rate | 08-30-2020 13:26 Comments (0)  

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