Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Would you people PLEASE stop praying for my Grandpa to get stronger . . . he's ALREADY grabbed me by the throat this morning!
←Rate | 05-26-2018 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was in our laundry room today, I saw that our ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 10:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What’s the traditional gift for a 24 year anniversary? Is it murder? Please say it’s murder.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 09:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 08:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just applied for a job with the local police. While I wait for their reply, should I start going after criminals or is it too soon?
←Rate | 05-26-2018 04:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rise and shine? At the same time? It can only be one or the other.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 01:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doctor: It’s a girl Me: *starts sobbing* Doc: Are you OK? Me: Yes I'm just thinking about all the free alcohol she's going to get
←Rate | 05-26-2018 01:40 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Just sort of hoping for accidental success at this point.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 01:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Throw a drink at Tomi Lahren? In this economy?
←Rate | 05-26-2018 01:31 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Personal trainer: Abs are made in the kitchen. Me: so was this pie
←Rate | 05-26-2018 01:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I spent alot of time trying to get all of my eldest relatives together in one room with no luck............. Then BINGO
←Rate | 05-25-2018 22:23 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Where do babies like to go for lunch....... Hooters
←Rate | 05-25-2018 20:34 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don't take me jogging with you today"?
←Rate | 05-25-2018 19:37 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  

   messageicon How does the Hamburglar introduce his girlfriend....... Meet Patty.
←Rate | 05-25-2018 18:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mom #1: That's it. I've had it. I'm selling my kid on eBay. Mom #2: Don't be silly. You made him. Sell him on etsy.
←Rate | 05-25-2018 12:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid my parents would say "You'll understand when you're older." Well now I'm older and I still don't understand.
←Rate | 05-25-2018 11:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What type of car does an electrician drive........ A Volts-wagon.
←Rate | 05-25-2018 04:21 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Canadian sex is like American sex but with more apologizing and less guns.
←Rate | 05-25-2018 03:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon . When Chewbacca needs to go does he use a toilet, or dose Han Solo take him for a walk?
←Rate | 05-25-2018 02:42 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon There’s a tunnel at the end of the light
←Rate | 05-24-2018 18:33 by NickD Comments (0)  

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