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I hurt myself doing the Safety Dance.
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03-02-2020 12:19
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I told myself that I wouldn't drink today, but nobody ever listens to me.
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03-04-2020 14:49
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hmm didn’t realize until coronavirus how shocking it is to walk into a Walmart men’s room and see all the sinks actually being used
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03-06-2020 10:18
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Before we die of corona, anyone wanna admit they have a crush on me?
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03-14-2020 07:29
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Don't care about nudes, send me a video of you washing your hands
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03-22-2020 08:07
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Relationship Status: Just asked the bag of Doritos laying in bed next to me if they had enough room
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03-27-2020 09:43
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If you’re asking me to choose sides, I’ll always choose potato salad.
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04-05-2020 08:37
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If a man calls you a doll, it doesn't always mean a barbie. Could be a Chucky.
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04-05-2020 16:17 by
McC-M
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Well well well…if it isn’t the clothes I left in dryer last Sunday.
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04-14-2020 09:13
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If you happen to be hanging out with Julio down by the schoolyard, steer clear of Rosie. She's the Queen of Corona.
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04-17-2020 14:47
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Has anyone checked the math on the Mayan calendar to see if it was off by about 8 years?
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04-19-2020 08:25
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Looks at today’s news…. hears Benny Hill theme.
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06-01-2020 12:32
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My stomach is upset but my kidneys are just disappointed
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06-05-2020 08:29
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The date was going splendidly until my mom called and we argued over my curfew in front of her.
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06-05-2020 11:16
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What idiot called them anti-anxiety meds instead of relaxatives?
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06-09-2020 08:13
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“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches”
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06-11-2020 08:19
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The hippopotamus can run faster than humans on land and can swim faster than humans in water. This means that the only way you can beat a hippopotamus in a triathlon is on a bicycle.
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06-17-2020 15:30
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I’ve had a lot more interest from women since I’ve been forced to wear a mask and I don’t know how to feel about that.
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07-14-2020 09:49
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Based on the amount of laundry I do, I'm pretty sure there are people living here that I haven't met yet...
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08-17-2020 08:24 by
Gabe
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Three more pension checks and I’ll have my student loan paid off.
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09-02-2020 10:30
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