Funny Status Messages

   Triggered! Go dip your head in some radical raspberry Kool aid and have a cookie. Oh, and logout… your mum will be home soon.

   You only live once, so make sure you spend 16 hours a day on the internet desperately seeking validation from complete strangers.

   Dating in 2022 be like: Find someone who also can’t afford rent alone. It won’t be hard.

   Do one thing every day that scares you. Text someone first. Ask your crush to hang out. Pick a fight with a raccoon. The only one stopping you is yourself.

   “Just be yourself, say something nice.” Me: Which one? I can’t do both.

   Shake what ya mamma gave ya! Me: Shakes therapy bill in the air.

   Been breading racing deer. Just trying to make a quick buck and some fast doe.

   Your meme-fu is weak and brings much shame to your entire clan.

   All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.

   Old computer games couldn’t be won, they just got harder and faster until you died. Just like in real life.

   When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.

   Start each day with a positive thought like; “in 16 hours, I can go back to bed.”

   Pink Floyd warned us about the school system over 50 years ago, and everyone slept on it.

   Founding Fathers: Here’s the First Amendment. Oh, and in case someone tries to take that away, here’s the Second Amendment.

   When the food is so good you accidentally overeat to the point that you’re afraid you might die.

   If you had a scratch and sniff map of the world, what would your current location smell like?

   Amazonesia: When you forget what you ordered this time.

   Using your turn signal is not “giving information to the enemy.”

   Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.

   You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.