Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon When life gives you a hundred reasons not to go to work today.....don't argue with it
←Rate | 01-31-2018 04:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon instead of clapping at the state of the union they should yell "Dilly Dilly"
←Rate | 01-30-2018 21:28 by barber Comments (2)  

   messageicon A new study says that a lot of people will believe anything that starts out by saying a new study says.
←Rate | 01-30-2018 13:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 3 stages of marriage. 1.engagement ring. 2. wedding ring. 3. suffer ring.
←Rate | 01-30-2018 12:04 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm still young at heart. The problem is, the rest of me is old.
←Rate | 01-30-2018 09:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got an e-mail from a woman that read, "I need you to come plow my field.... squeeze my melons.... touch my yams...and play with my peach!" I was getting ALL excited until I realized it was just an invitation to play Farmville
←Rate | 01-30-2018 07:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon That silly moment when your gas tank is on 'E' and you turn the music off like it's going to save gas
←Rate | 01-30-2018 07:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don't serve breakfast?
←Rate | 01-30-2018 06:59 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Hey, if it doesn't work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
←Rate | 01-30-2018 06:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My New Years resolution for losing weight starts in February 2018, January was spent looking for a decent diet plan ! #strong
←Rate | 01-30-2018 06:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How can fish get high? With seaweed.
←Rate | 01-30-2018 04:12 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
←Rate | 01-30-2018 03:57 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I sneak into hospitals and kiss coma patients.
←Rate | 01-30-2018 03:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So like, this baby mosquito flew for the first time and when he got home his Mom said "How did it go?" and the baby mosquito said "Pretty good I guess. Everybody was clapping for me."
←Rate | 01-29-2018 21:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I thought about buying Hillary Clinton's latest book until Amazon suggested that people who bought this item also bought boots, plastic sheeting, lye, and shovels
←Rate | 01-29-2018 16:13 Comments (7)  

   messageicon Drink a full big glass of FOX News Kool Aid to maintain that blissfully ignorant anti-American Republican frame of mind.
←Rate | 01-29-2018 15:52 Comments (8)  

   messageicon Happiness is the best drug on earth and I want to be the number one drug dealer
←Rate | 01-29-2018 14:24 by L Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some guy knocked on my door earlier today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour." I replied, "You've got the wrong house then mate."
←Rate | 01-29-2018 12:46 by trickz100 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you lock the door to kill a snake and electricity goes off my friend thats when you realize that the devil is using your life to test the new version of temple run.
←Rate | 01-29-2018 06:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
←Rate | 01-29-2018 06:06 Comments (0)  

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