Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying
←Rate | 11-10-2018 22:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Waiter, how do you prepare your lobsters?" "Nothing special, we pretty much just tell them straight up that they are going to die."
←Rate | 11-10-2018 21:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So after winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV. Apparently, this is unacceptable in bowling.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 18:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came, then your probably a alcoholic.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 17:47 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Waiter: What would you like? Me: I’ll have the Double Deep Fried McMeme Supreme with extra spicy cream.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 14:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've always wanted to lay naked on a bear skin rug in front of a fireplace. Unfortunately, Cracker Barrel has a policy against this.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 10:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon . Was the rainbow that appeared over capitol building a sign of approval from above that the dem won the control of the house.
←Rate | 11-09-2018 20:07 Comments (1)  

   messageicon This economy has made me so poor, when I heard of the last supper, I thought I was running out of food stamps.
←Rate | 11-09-2018 16:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite part about switching back to standard time is getting to relive the last hour of my life. A real live 'do-over'
←Rate | 11-09-2018 12:09 by Frank Comments (0)  

   messageicon If change is good, exact change is even better.
←Rate | 11-09-2018 11:30 by Frank Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone just told me I wasn’t as dumb as I looked and now I’m confused, was it an insult or a compliment?
←Rate | 11-09-2018 09:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now, Jose won't take away the toilet scrubbing job away from me.
←Rate | 11-09-2018 08:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the dentist says I need a crown. I'm like "I know, right? "
←Rate | 11-09-2018 04:27 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The secret to a happy marriage.... Jack Daniels on the rocks
←Rate | 11-08-2018 04:58 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do baby clothes have pockets ?
←Rate | 11-08-2018 04:05 by Corious Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guys the secret to a happy marriage...... "Honey, you're absolutely right."
←Rate | 11-08-2018 02:58 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Untill I got married, I never knew there was a wrong way to put the milk back into the fridge.
←Rate | 11-08-2018 02:26 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon . just like Ty-D-Bol, the blue wave will wash all the crap away.
←Rate | 11-07-2018 20:27 Comments (3)  

   messageicon I told someone that Kansas was dead to me. His reply was 'did it drop another house on your sister'?
←Rate | 11-07-2018 18:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to Disneyland once. It seemed like kind of a Mickey Mouse operation.
←Rate | 11-07-2018 10:34 Comments (0)  

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