Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Knock! Knock! Who’s there? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who? Never mind, it’s pointless.
←Rate | 05-29-2018 16:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't know what I ever signed up for facebook, I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
←Rate | 05-29-2018 16:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have no problem with the Kardashians. I have a problem with the people who care about them.
←Rate | 05-29-2018 14:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've never gotten in or out of a hammock with my dignity intact.
←Rate | 05-29-2018 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like you, but not see you every damn day like you.
←Rate | 05-29-2018 12:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not trying to brag but I haven’t been around people in days
←Rate | 05-28-2018 23:26 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy birthday J.F.K. 5/29/1917
←Rate | 05-28-2018 23:21 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I like to stop the microwave with one second to go. It makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
←Rate | 05-28-2018 23:11 by Jake Comments (2)  

   messageicon If football games begin with a kick-off, why don't hockey games begin with a puck-off?
←Rate | 05-28-2018 06:55 Comments (3)  

   messageicon I saw two guys wearing matching outfits. I asked if they were g@y? They arrested me.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 23:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I thought about having sex today and then I remembered that I’m married.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 23:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Hey, Baby. Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?" "Sir, step away from the body. She fell from a balcony and this is a crime scene."
←Rate | 05-27-2018 20:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Stanley Cup finals will feature a team that represents a morally bankrupt city, that is built on corruption, greed and deceit, against the Las Vegas Golden Knights.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 17:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know who is a good problem solver? Vanilla Ice. I think it's because he collaborates and listens.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 07:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cheating your wife doesn't mean that you don't love's like hiring a taxi when you have your own car at saves tires and longer lasting beauty and reduces mileage...Send this to your wife and let me know which hospital you are in..
←Rate | 05-27-2018 05:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Things to do.. #1 dig a hole #2 name it love #3 watch people fall in love
←Rate | 05-27-2018 00:26 by @DJPhatJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Looks like the witch hunt is catching a lot of witches.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 21:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I pick up a copy of the new book The Long Walk Home by Miss. D. Bus.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 17:55 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's getting that Time Of Year where I start Liking All Of My Friends Posts who have a POOL
←Rate | 05-26-2018 16:43 Comments (1)  

   messageicon You know you must be unappealing when a nymphomaniac just wants to be friends.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:56 by Jake Comments (0)  

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