Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 105 of 5593

   messageicon Dear Maytag: Why don't your dryers have a Fold cycle? It's 2018 for chrissake!
←Rate | 07-30-2018 09:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Sign outside a brothel that read "It's a business doing pleasure with you."
←Rate | 07-31-2018 22:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alexa, play back the last 45 minutes of this argument so we can prove who said what.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do paranoid schizophrenic agnostic dyslexic insomniacs lie awake at night wondering if they might be the dog that’s out to get them?
←Rate | 11-01-2018 06:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Playboy to replace nudes with photos of Hugh Hefner's nurse feeding him soup.
←Rate | 11-05-2016 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Extra hour of sleep this weekend. I mean, unless you're a parent. Then it's just like, more morning.
←Rate | 11-05-2016 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're always concern about the opinion people have about you. You'll never be happy.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 18:51 by Justathought Comments (0)  


   messageicon It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
←Rate | 02-09-2018 10:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
←Rate | 02-23-2018 05:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to this captcha page I am a robot -- what a way to find out. Who knew?
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been sober for like 40 days. Not in a row, just 40 days total...
←Rate | 03-10-2018 21:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your kid is almost old enough for social media, Make sure you have the "We need the talk" thingy soon. You know advising him about the usage of your/you're and there/their/they're.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 05:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
←Rate | 03-24-2018 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should make supermarket camouflage so people you know won't see you and want to talk to you.
←Rate | 03-25-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yesterday I bought a pack of two pillow cases but when I opened it there was only one. What a sham!
←Rate | 03-28-2018 11:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All my updates will be posted in CAPITALS from now on. I posted this one in Atlanta.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stand by the unlikely threat I made when I thought you couldn’t hear me.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The chips I’m eating are labeled “Harvest Cheddar,” a name which is forcing me to reconsider what I thought I knew about cheese production
←Rate | 09-03-2020 14:04 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left