Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 102 of 5593

   messageicon Are there any medium rappers? They’re all lil’ or big.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon are you a female guitar player with a breathy, annoying voice? congratulations Starbucks will play your music, no questions asked
←Rate | 08-26-2019 12:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Victoria's Secret, I like to keep my wife's panty selection private so if your cashiers wouldn't hold them up like Simba when folding them, that'd be great.
←Rate | 08-26-2019 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was misbehaving during family game night. So now I'm in Solitaire confinement.
←Rate | 09-05-2019 06:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just helped my neighbor take an old rolled up carpet to the landfill. Her husband would have done it but he's out of town.
←Rate | 09-05-2019 15:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For $250/hr I will pose as a couples counselor and tell your partner they are wrong about everything.
←Rate | 09-05-2019 23:48 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you grew up playing “lawn darts” with your siblings, your parents had too many kids and were trying to thin the herd.
←Rate | 09-06-2019 11:47 by DJJackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The monsters under my bed used to threaten to eat me when I was a kid but now they just whisper something stupid I did two months ago.
←Rate | 09-06-2019 12:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Copy and Paste this status if you think Spectrum needs to learn what a "Limited-time Offer" means and needs stop sending us never ending letters in the mail telling us that.
←Rate | 09-11-2019 11:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new boss walked into my office and asked me if I had a sec... I replied, "sure, I have lots of secs!" Things have been very awkward since then.
←Rate | 09-18-2019 14:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon * asks plastic surgeon " can you make me look like this Snapchat filter minus the crown of flowers?"
←Rate | 09-25-2019 13:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate waiting in lines. Hurry up and pick a suspect already.
←Rate | 09-25-2019 21:59 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I lay all my cards out on the table, people be like "Damn, where you get all them cards?"
←Rate | 09-26-2019 05:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband told me I cheated on him in his dream. The best response was not "Was he hot?” I know this now.
←Rate | 10-02-2019 06:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I eat spaghetti I always check both ends of the noodle so I don't accidentally kiss a dog.
←Rate | 10-05-2019 17:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A sure sign you need coffee is to wake up put water in the coffee maker and end up with a nice hot pot of water.
←Rate | 10-11-2019 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shaving your beard is a great way to remember what you looked like when you were 5.
←Rate | 10-13-2019 17:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon...
←Rate | 10-15-2019 00:58 by MrSharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of you need to review your settings or medication... I’m not sure which but it’s definitely showing.
←Rate | 10-15-2019 04:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Credit card company: Sir, you have an outstanding balance. Me: Thanks. I do yoga.
←Rate | 10-16-2019 07:21 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left