Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I tried having a personal relationship with God. But he said he only liked me as a friend.
←Rate | 07-23-2020 08:24 by MigdaGwig Comments (0)  

   messageicon My friends treat me like God. They completely ignore my existence until they need something.
←Rate | 07-23-2020 08:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remembers when the only fake news was the National Inquirer
←Rate | 07-22-2020 19:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m already an idiot, I just need a village
←Rate | 07-22-2020 13:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I see a parked car with the stick figure family on it, I move the husband over and put my studly stick figure next to the wife.
←Rate | 07-22-2020 13:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Rice Krispies were speaking in tongues this morning, so I’m pretty sure the end days are near.
←Rate | 07-22-2020 13:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like my sentences like I like my women: awkward but with good colon usage and regular periods.
←Rate | 07-22-2020 13:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon From the looks of this gas station bathroom, I missed an alien autopsy by 10 minutes.
←Rate | 07-22-2020 13:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
←Rate | 07-22-2020 12:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Half the time I hug anyone I’m just wiping my hands off on their back.
←Rate | 07-22-2020 12:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember Darth Vader took his mask off once and died within minutes. ‬
←Rate | 07-22-2020 09:06 Comments (1)  

   messageicon All Women Do Is Drink Wine And Order crap Off Amazon
←Rate | 07-22-2020 03:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I apologize for the coin shortage. I started a swear jar.
←Rate | 07-21-2020 19:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let’s change the Redskins name to DC Marvels!
←Rate | 07-21-2020 10:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now...good for them
←Rate | 07-21-2020 09:16 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to the epoch of divisiveness.
←Rate | 07-21-2020 08:37 by Hey,Mach Comments (0)  

   messageicon My friend said he doesn't understand cloning. I said "That makes two of us."
←Rate | 07-21-2020 08:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Crayons are a lot like M & M's, all the colors taste the same.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 16:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd like to shake the hand of the guy who invented the snooze button... in like 10 minutes.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 13:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I still not comfortable with how we spell coffee.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 12:49 Comments (0)  

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