Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon "I'm afraid to fly"...flies all over the world and racks up a ton of frequent flier miles lol
←Rate | 09-28-2018 10:16 by Liberalliar Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have the heart of a child. It's in a jar of formaldehyde in my basement.
←Rate | 09-27-2018 08:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. That's all.
←Rate | 09-27-2018 08:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No one has a good time with you unless you pay them. And yes, they were laughing at you.
←Rate | 09-27-2018 01:38 by IDTN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?....any scholars out there?
←Rate | 09-27-2018 01:30 Comments (2)  

   messageicon My piano playing must be improving, as my neighbours have broken all my windows so they can hear me better!!
←Rate | 09-26-2018 19:23 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bill Cosby is in JAIL-O
←Rate | 09-26-2018 17:22 by curly Comments (0)  

   messageicon If taking cat naps at work as often as I do had anything to do with it, then I'm pretty sure I can sleep my way to the top.
←Rate | 09-26-2018 17:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At the job interview today, they asked me why I left my last job. I said, "Well, the boss asked if he could see me in his office." I said, "Only if he got fired or was transferred."
←Rate | 09-26-2018 13:23 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If you can't find your wife or GF at the mall, just start talking to the hottest girl you see and she'll appear out of nowhere.
←Rate | 09-26-2018 13:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
←Rate | 09-26-2018 12:24 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon look on the bright side...Bill Cosby is gonna get a lot of Jell-o
←Rate | 09-26-2018 08:38 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Would it be legal to have a VERY loud duck-call in place of the more conventional car-horn..if it was operated in the same way?
←Rate | 09-26-2018 03:53 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I took my dog for a bike ride today . . . it's a two-seater and he pedaled as well as I did.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 23:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Carrying that fake $20,000 ass is gonna get you nowhere. Literally.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 21:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bill Cosby ain't gonna like the type of "pudding pops" he's gonna be gettin in prison.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 18:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wednesday is known as "hump day". But to my dog, everyday is hump day.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 16:45 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Uranus, a town in Missouri has a news paper call The Uranus Examiner
←Rate | 09-25-2018 16:33 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I've learned anything in my 23 years on earth, it's that it's okay to lie about your age.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 13:29 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Drinking rum before 10am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic!
←Rate | 09-25-2018 13:24 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

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