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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Don't sweat the small stuff. In fact, don't sweat the big stuff either. Stop sweating on everything. That's gross.
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04-16-2018 11:18
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So if Carrie Underwood's injury requires 40 stitches and her face comes out looking like that, where do I sign up?
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04-16-2018 10:07
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I just want to suffocate, sorry I mean love you.
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04-16-2018 02:40
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I like it when I'm accidentally a genius.
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04-16-2018 02:39
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Divorce: A legal document for married people to hate each other.
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04-16-2018 02:36 by
Jake
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People in my office act like they've never seen someone in formal working pajamas before.
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04-16-2018 02:35
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In the 90s, we had scaredies: group photos where one person looked afraid the stranger taking the picture was going to steal their camera.
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04-16-2018 02:20
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I'm tired of making me happy. Someone else needs to take a turn.
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04-16-2018 02:17
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If you don't post it, how will anyone else get to read it?
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04-16-2018 02:16
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Why does this dental floss refuse to let me toss it into the bathroom trash can?
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04-16-2018 02:14
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If you love something set it free because you’re intolerable and love is a prison
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04-16-2018 02:13
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I get so mad when I see women using their boobs to get a guy. What did I buy this chloroform and duct tape for.
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04-16-2018 02:10
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Sure your baby's cute but have you ever seen a chihuahua with the hiccups?
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04-16-2018 02:09
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Can't wait to watch The Walking Dead tonight...otherwise known as the most anticipated commercial break event of the year
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04-15-2018 20:30 by
Migasjoe
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My morning exercise routine includes snooze presses. I like to get in at least 5 reps.
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04-15-2018 12:38
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I carry a kazoo in my fanny pack in case anyone initiates small talk.
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04-15-2018 12:30
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The first 5 items on my bucket list are just different places I'd like to nap.
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04-15-2018 12:21
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I just tried to unfriend someone I am not even friends with.
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04-15-2018 12:12
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I’ve never met a nap I didn’t like.
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04-15-2018 11:52
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Parenthood is the scariest Hood you will ever go through.
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04-15-2018 11:37
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