Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon 6 year old: I say “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” to my teacher Me: You sure didn’t learn those great manners from me. Where’d you learn that? 6 year old: Chick-fil-A
←Rate | 10-07-2020 08:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My paycheck came in the mail the other day. There was a sprig of parsley inside. Someone had garnished my wages.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coronavirus Deaths: 216,000 Medical Malpractice Deaths: 400,000 You're safer getting Covid than going to the doctor.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 08:33 by IARU Comments (0)  


   messageicon They said no texting while driving but they never said anything about giving four ferrets a nice bubble bath
←Rate | 10-07-2020 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Normalize chocolate cake as an appetizer.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A corn maze but inside you try to apply for unemployment.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A beloved neighborhood bagel shop called Schmear We Go Again
←Rate | 10-07-2020 08:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me (27 f) and my bf (12 ft tall Home Depot skeleton) are trying for a child to no success. Any tips helpful!!!
←Rate | 10-07-2020 08:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook is mostly poIitics, pet lovers and dysfunctional insecure model wannabes.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 03:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd have to say for the first time in 40 years I don't wish I was Eddie Van Halen.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 17:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was always taught that every girl’s dream was to marry a Prince but according to my girlfriend it’s actually owning a 1600 watt ionic diffusion Dyson hairdryer.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 11:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fear is contagious...so is Hope.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 10:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids today will never know the horror that would come from seeing a payphone start ringing suddenly in the middle of the night.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon DID YOU KNOW: Mrs. Doubtfire was originally titled: Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dad.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon GIRLFRIEND: So tell me something I don’t already know about you. ME: During October I call my Dyson ‘Count Vacula’ HER: I need to see other people.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I won $2 on the lottery last night so please, hold my calls.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trouble at home. Marital trouble. We’ve always been a team, worked through things well together but now we’ve hit an impasse that I’m not sure how we can work out. She’s gotten sick of pizza.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just heard that flies spread disease. I always keep mine zipped.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip: Fill the piñata with ketchup and you never have to host a children’s birthday party again. You’re welcome
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:40 Comments (0)  



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