Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
converting oxygen into carbon dioxide...come to think of it...so are you!!! GREAT LUNGS THINK ALIKE! 
So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing!!!!!
In small towns like this you might as well live it up, cause you sure as hell won't be living anything down
Sorry you brought logic to a wife fight
Looks like I picked the wrong week to adult.
NASCAR would be more fun to watch if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
If I get addicted to eating cold turkey, idk how i'm going to quit
You've reached expert Dad level when you can't drive by a gas station without commenting on the price.
People tell me that I have a unique way of lighting up a room. It's called arson and those people are called witnesses.
Last night my wife came to me wearing a sexy policewoman costume and said "You're charged with being good in bed." But after about two minutes the charges were dropped due to lack of hard evidence. FML.
Went for a check up, everything was normal, except the doctor stuck is finger up my butt...... I need to get a new dentist.
The best way to smuggle drugs across the border is to place them up a dogs butt. That way when the drug sniffing dog investigates, the officer will think that the dog is just being friendly.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra size.
The alphabet starts off kinda slow, but once you get past K, hot damn does it get good
sure your baby is cute and all but what does it do?
It's "let me fish it out of 5 layers of clothes just so I can pee" degrees out..
I can't go to work today. The "wardrobe malfunction" happened 15 years ago today. It was very offensive.
I like to play this game called nap roulette...It's where I take a nap but don't set an alarm. Will it be a 30 min nap? Will it be a 4 hour nap? Will I wake up tomorrow? Nobody knows. But it's risky. And I like it
Site Links
© 1999 - 2021 Tjshome.com
