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You have become a mature person when keeping a secret gives you more satisfaction than passing it along. 
I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.
i wonder if cows kno how good they taste.. .
Saw someone dressed in Darth Vader garb driving an old Honda Civic today. Apparently the recession has touched all corners of the universe.
Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.
Remember, we're not here for a long time, we're here for a GOOD TIME!!!
When convincing your kid to take his/her medicine, don't taste it yourself before checking the prescription info. Your kid won't understand that daddy only made himself throw up in the sink because he's allergic.
a love-ate relationship with food.
It's a myth that pets provide home security. 96% of all dog barks are false alarms, and cats instinctively side with evildoers.
I would complain more about Monday, but there is still the rest of the week to mess up everything.
I wish I liked anything as much as I hate you right now.
It should be illegal to be *required* to be up before noon.
Every hero has that villain to keep them going.
has the key to all of life's questions... but he'll be damned if he can find the lock...
bought some sea sickness tablets for my holiday. On the side of the box, under the list of possible side effects: 'May cause nausea' - yeah thanks for that!
that I swear for every app I block from my newsfeed on FB, three more appear. It's like a computer virus that keeps evolving just to screw with me...
Did I just say that! Or did I think it! Damn they spotted me..
If age is just a number, can I get mine unlisted?
was always taught, "You become what you eat." So he only eat rich foods. He's still waiting...
yes, sarcasm is one of the services we offer here
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