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PSA: You may “love” your boyfriend, But we'd all appreciate it if you didn't post it on Facebook every thirty seconds, thanks. 
Sex would be more dramatic if men's underwear had little saloon doors in the front.
How many of my friends out there update their status' on their Blackberrys?....well?....Hello....<crickets>
My Facebook Wall: Drama free since I deleted my dramatic friends.
How bored were moths before the light bulb was invented?
step aside, I have a spork!
trying to figure out how many Sham-Wows I'm gonna need to soak up all the water in my truck after leaving the window down for 2 days...
The History Channel isn't what it used to be.
Everytime I get on facebook, I feel like I am shopping at Lowe's for bathroom updates.
since football season is officially here, I will celebrate by tackling the sh*t out of stupid people that piss me off!
it says on my sidebar on facebook.. "Many of people who like Lindsey Lohan also liked Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" Oh no, that can't be good.
People give all kinds of excuses to the cellphone guys at the mall as to why they won't stop. "I have a phone with you guys already," or "I just signed a new contract." Personally, I like to cut to the chase with, "I hate you guys."
The difference between "like" "love" and "in love" is the same as the difference between "for now" "for a while" and "forever."
You know your friends are starting to mature when you wake up on a random couch after a crazy house party and there's no d!ck drawn on your face.
I don't jog for the same reason you don't see dump trucks entered in the Indy 500...it's not my forte'.
sliced bread, best invention since icecream on a stick...
A penny saved is no longer a penny earned. It is a government oversight!!!
a toast to Levi Strauss, who died today in 1902 - "Thanks for making my ass look good all these years!"
chloraseptic tastes like the smell of a new shower curtain
Education is expensive, but ignorance is more so. 