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I support precisely enough global warming to flood Jersey Shore. 
Dance like the photo's not being tagged, Love like you've never been unfriended, Status Update like nobody's following.
thinks Facebook needs to add "imaginary" and "in denial" to the choices for relationship status...smh
He sees me when I'm eating, He knows that I'm too fat, he sees the indentation on the chair where I just sat ...
too many people buy stuff they don't want, with money they don't have, to impress people they don't like
The best nicknames are the ones people don't know they have.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to talk and walk,then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
My New Year's Resolution is to finish what I star........
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is to know when they're in big trouble.
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you, but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head
Why are condoms like cameras? They both capture the moment.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
: Microwave broke - time to break out the Easy Bake Oven.
succesfully finished his rubiks cube, waiting for the paint to dry now
Nobody Dates Anymore, Everybody has a ''Thing" with someone.
Teacher: Imagine you were in a world of dinosaurs and they were about to eat you. What would you do? Smart-a$$ Student: Easy, stop imagining.
and with the first pick of the 2011 Rapture Draft... God selects Randy "Macho Man" Savage
There should be an eject button in cars for people who touch your perfectly-positioned vents.
The one thing I'm taking away from The whole Casey Anthony verdict debacle is the fact that Facebook and Twitter are the modern day equivalent of pitchforks and torches.
You're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there 