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On a scale of 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 how OCD are you? 
Don't you find those people who keep updating how many days to christmas annoying? Anyway it's 37 days to christmas.
If you worry about all the bridges you burn in life, you will never get across the river.
I am obsessed with Morgan Freeman's voice. I want him to narrate my inner monologue.
Life was so simple back when we didn't need a Username and a Password.
In order to refrain from spending too much on Christmas, I'm voluntarily placing myself in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.
always snickers when people say their computer went down on them.
"I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone."
The other day, Senator Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He's retiring.
And in the stock market today, helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
My laziness is becoming such a issue that I can't even be bothered hanging my clothes on my treadmill anymore
Nothing brings out the worst in human nature like a crowded mall. :) I can't wait to start Christmas shopping!
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
I really do wish there was a pause button in life, like those twix commercials when you "need a moment?" I would smack the shet out of some people and they would have no idea what hit them!
you know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture
You see all this snow and complain, I see potential for filling my bathtub with it and chilling many beers for a party!
Life should come with more opportunities to shove peoples faces in cake.
going to go observe the ladies' shakeweight class at the gym.
Today's life lesson: If you can't wow them with brilliance, Baffle them with bullshit.
Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't. 