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Sitting here with Google open, and now I can't remember what I didn't know. 
Facebook Commandment II: Thou shalt not be caught taking a photo of thyself in the bathroom mirror and posting on FB or thou shall be slapped!
I'm not sure about you, but when someone tells me I look familiar, I immediately start to panic.
thinks sometimes it's fun to ask someone how they are but then before they can respond say, "Anyway" and change the subject.
was editing my profile and couldnt figure whether to put masturbation under activites or interests.
when I go bowling I like to let my fingers do the walking and my balls do the talking.
I've noticed that my usage of profanity increases when I play pacman
Woke up with a sore neck. It seems my memory foam has amnesia.
Im not as smart as a 5th grader ...but I think I could kick the shi%t out of one of them..!!!!
Tone Loc accused of domestic violence???...gonna be gettin' served that Funky Cold Subpoena...
Fellas, There is a direct correlation between the size of the mega-spoiler on your car and the unlikelihood of your getting laid.
BREAKING NEWS: NFL owners and players are meeting today to determine whether I'll have to spend Sundays with my family this fall...
Not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem solve itself
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothes. If I had any I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
watching Jersey shore can cause herpes of the eyes.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to walk away from, and some I would love to punch in the face
The only thing worse than the truth are the lies that are told to cover it up.
just spent the rest of my Halloween money on Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale.....I hope the trick-or-treaters are happy with some cough drops and a few beef bouillon cubes this year.
I can't decide if I'm in the right place at the wrong time or the wrong place at the right time.
Kim Kardashian is saying she regrets that she and basketball star Kris Humphries rushed into marriage. She said he should have gone the traditional route and released the sex tape first. 