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I'm having a terrible day. There's a suppository behind my ear and I can't find my pencil. 
So how does this work? Do we send our dollar bills to the NFL or do we pay JLo directly?
Whoever this guy with TDS is, it's hysterical that he's perpetually beside himself with no one ever agreeing with him. I guess mommy and daddy let him have his way and he just can't deal with the rejection.
The Coronavirus is like pasta. The Chinese invented it, but the Italians are spreading it all over the world.
My husband said the doctor told him I can suck out his kidney stone. After 3 days of trying, I think he lied to me.
tested positive for missing my homies
How long are we supposed to do this social distancing thing? My wife keeps trying to get back into the house.
For the first time since 1945, the Scripps National Spelling Bee has been cancul... cancill... cansi... called off.
Neighbor's python just swallowed my Paula Abdul CD. He's a cold hearted snake.
Dear YouTube: Please just assume that I'd like to "skip ad". You don't need to ask anymore.
If I had known the kind of people my classmates would grow up to be. I would have beaten a lot more of them up.
So it is being reported that a Extensive Porn Stash was found in Bin Ladens compound. So this the "Treasure Trove" they spoke of!
A Lysol commercial just told me to disinfect the thing I touch the most.....uh oh, I think this is gonna burn....
They say you can't outrun a charging bear. But really you don't have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun whoever you're with. That's why I only camp with slow people.
the answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not....Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
Lol @ the dude buying condoms and getting his card declined. He just got c**k blocked by Visa.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
Kim K is single again and the McRib is back... Black men are having the best week of their lives.
I've decided I'm not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I'm sorry. 