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To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt. 
Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation
No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.
From Cuddly to Stabby in 60 seconds. - a memoir
I'm impressed. Someone went to a lot of trouble to turn this Waffle House into a Waffle Home.
If your wife asks you if you have plans for the day, there is a good chance your plans will soon be over-ruled by what she had planned or she wants to be part of your plan
If you want to know how we found out stuff before we had the internet then just google it.
Ever wake up, look in the mirror, and wonder why Courtney Love is in your bathroom?
I don’t remember the last time I knew what I was doing.
I know I said you were dead to me, but that was before I needed a ride to the airport.
My dog thinks that I like walking her again. My fit bit thinks I'm setting new goals. I'm really looking for pokemon."
There's no I in team due in large part to my utter lack of athletic ability.
As a Millenial I find my life is now full of much more meaning now that I have Pokemon Go!
There are now a lot of confused and frustrated kids out there that are frantically trying to take selfies with their newly found Pokemon Go characters.
Loving this new Hula-Hoop app
Kat Denning's b00bs are the life preservers which save 2 Broke Girls.
Local Japanese-American cultural center begins charging $28 admission when Rare Holographic Mewtwo found in WWII exhibit...
so apparently being " A Kid At Heart" does not apply when it comes to Pokemon go. Pshh...Please. I'm a grown A** Man. now where did I leave my Xbox contoller
A great trick to play is after a long and intimate texts with your girlfriend, end with "Who is this?"
Minor Daily Wins: I was 5 minutes late for work today, but my boss was 15 minutes late....so I was 10 minutes early to work. 