Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Today, I was told I was being too patronising which means I was treating them like they were stupid. 
The problem with being young is sometimes we don't stop to think, the problem with getter older is sometimes we forget what we were thinking about.
I love Pandas, They're so chill. They're like "Dude, racism is stupid. I'm white, Black, & Asian..."
When I push the soap dispenser and it's empty I usually pretend it wasn't and wash my hands with the ghost soap that came out.
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
Why can't braille just be in the shape of the letters?
Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we're fucked.
Whoever said, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" clearly had no idea how to give a stellar blow job.
If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"
Stop it with this political BS. I haven't stolen and posted a descent item in months
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Why isn't there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
How Many Blondes Does It Take To Change A Diaper......................Ask Hugh Hefner
I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
Out of all the gruesome noises coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most troubling.
There are so many scams on the Internet now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows.
Everything's funnier when you're supposed to be quiet.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks.. why is there a light in the fridge? 