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Once this corona tension is over....will take 7 days break and rest at home. 
Parents, here's a way to keep your kids busy for awhile on Easter, let them have an Easter egg hunt, just don't hide any eggs.
Wonder if I have enough things in my kitchen junk draw to build a rocket ship to get me off this rock?
eharmony just matched me with a dozen donuts
Got out of the shower this morning and went to put my Fitbit back on, the screen said “looking good.” Was more than a bit unsettling since I was naked.
I apologise for the way I acted when you said the McRib was back and then told me you were kidding.
Look low in the northwest sky around 9:45 p.m for the next few days for the NEOWISE asteroid you won't want to miss as it will be a once-in-a-lifetime event!! just like the last several asteroids that flew by.
Research has revealed a subatomic particle that may actually be shaped like a buffalo. It's been called the Higgs Bison.
My last loving relationship involved a spare electrical outlet at an airport departure gate.
I just put on a fitted sheet on my bed and didn't mess up. I'm entitled to a trophy
Pro Tip: A box of donuts placed on top of the mailbox will keep the police from breaking up your party.
The guys from Insane Clown Posse originally started rapping while working their way through clown community college.
"I know a good divorce lawyer" is definitely a wrong thing to say at any wedding. Hmmm now I know.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I'm starting to find apostrophes a bit possessive.
Now that Millennials are getting older, it's only a matter of time before we have memojis.
You're in my thoughts and prayers I reserve for winning the lottery.
I save all my yawns in church until everyone is singing so it looks like I'm doing my part.
Please remember if their online dating profile photo is iffy that's the best one out of all the photos ever taken of them.
My puppy is afraid of shirts, ice cream trucks, blankets that vaguely take human shape, and boxes, but has no problem with fireworks. 