Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
If you don’t have time to pull over and fight, don’t honk your horn at me. 
When she tries to pull your pants down on the first date.
I attack ideas, I don’t attack people. Some very good people have some very bad ideas. If you can’t separate the two, I suggest you find another day job.
That sweaty first kiss balled up on the couch, hand up her shirt, praying your parents don’t walk in on a Saturday night.
You: Be noble, for you are made from the stars. Be humble, for you are made from the earth. Me: Where do you get your weed?
This is not just a silly grin on my face, it’s a highly educated one.
When I think of you I touch myself meaning I rub my temples because you give me a headache.
Believe in yourself, especially when no one else will. ~ Sasquatch
The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
When you put 30 dollars in the tank and the gas light is still on.
I’m all out of snacks. What else do people do for fun? 🤔
Me: My dog is probably thinking about other dogs. My dog: “What was Scar’s name before he got that scar?”
You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
Some of you are going to keep trusting the system until your pronouns are was/were. 🙁
“I want the truth!” Independent fact checkers, with the direction of the FBI, have concluded that you can’t handle the truth.
We often clean our homes when people are coming over so we can maintain the façade of a clean house that we’ve seen from going to other people’s homes who clean their house to maintain the façade of having a clean house.
One way to be hospitable, is to help visitors know when it’s time to leave.
When they can’t control or manipulate you, they smear you. 😔 