Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
My role in family now primarily consists of walking around the home shouting, “ONLY ONE PAPER TOWEL!” anytime anyone approaches the roll. 
I bought some TP at the dollar store today so yeah, life is going pretty good these days...
I eat those silica gel packets because consumer electronics are not the boss of me.
Apparently, referring to Latex Gloves as "Corona Condoms" at work is frowned upon.
Remember wearing shoes? Is that still a thing?
I was slicing leftover ham as my kids were watching Peppa Pig and I was momentarily very sorry
For all you people worrying about toilet paper, you could use your finger. You would be more likely to wash your hands, and less likely to touch your face. Hope this helps...
Doctor Cathy told me I was really sweet. Well, she actually said I am severely diabetic but I knew what she meant.
If they are taking all the letters of the alphabet, what will we use?
My behavior during the Pandemic should earn me the Nobel Peace Prize
87% of parenting is yelling, “DON’T MAKE ME COME IN THERE,” from a different room.
I went to the store to buy some invisible tape but I didn't see any.
Here’s a little song I wrote about being old in the summer it’s called “Sunburn on My Bald Spot” and a one and a two
That feeling when you must evacuate your bowels after drinking fermented tea should be called spontaneous kombucha.
If you don't post it, how will anyone else get to read it?
I'm tired of making me happy. Someone else needs to take a turn.
In the 90s, we had scaredies: group photos where one person looked afraid the stranger taking the picture was going to steal their camera.
People in my office act like they've never seen someone in formal working pajamas before.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she’s worth a shot
Tall people know what's up. 