Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
How do nudist clean their glasses? 
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they're thinking "Why don't you just eat ALL the food?"
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
All those Olympic curlers are headed back home now, where the wife is standing by the door with a mop and a broom saying "no more excuses"
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Why do famous people get things for free if they’re the ones that can afford it?
Dancing in the 70's: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
If you millenials want to know what it was like to talk on a payphone, just lick the handle of a grocery cart.
does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.
Imagine my embarrassment at getting caught in the rain without a piña colada.
For once, I'd like to hear someone go "Yeah, I CAN believe it's already August....The time seems to be moving at the appropriate speed."
STDs are not Pokémon, you don’t have to catch them all, Kim Kardashian.
I hate when people say "Well, it could have been worse." Well you know what, Becky? It could have been a hell of a lot better too!
I've just bought the personalized number plate baa baa. For my black jeep.
Wait till they realize that Frosty has no pants and smokes a pipe in front of children.
Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician..... It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.
Ask a meteorologist who will win the Superbowl......then go with the other team ;-)
It's so cold Richard Simmons started wearing pants
A fun thing to do is to call someone & say "HI THIS IS BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO YOUR VHS RENTAL OF NEW JACK CITY IS 1,382 DAYS PAST DUE" 