Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Car washes are just another shower to cry in.

   Just downloaded the new Samuel L Jackson voice to my Echo, now it wont quit asking me "whats in my wallet"...

   I don't know about you, but I've thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.

   If your child is eating Tide Pods, you failed as a parent.

   Doctor: Do you use any illegal drugs? Me: Depends on the state.

   Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present

   OK. Who is the genius who decided to call it Box Wine and not Cardboardeaux?

   Today’s hairstyle at Walmart is called, “And I didn’t brush my teeth either.”

   If someone doesn't get started on my laundry soon I'll be wearing a suit to cut the grass tomorrow morning

   Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. But with your help, we can put a well in their home village. Hi, I'm Sarah McLachlan....

   Any way I see it Jack and Jill were both idiots... Who in the hell goes up hill to find water?

   I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams

   I just got a gig as lead singer for my car.

   Ultimately, I have no hard feelings, wherever my missing socks go, I hope they find happiness

   You really can't say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked

   Some days parenting's like The Sound of Music but with less singing and more hiding from the Nazis.

   If you're always concern about the opinion people have about you. You'll never be happy.

   It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.

   How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom

   According to this captcha page I am a robot -- what a way to find out. Who knew?