Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ever been sitting in church and get that feeling, you know the one........like when someone is trying to sell you a crappy used car.

   Wonder if being a parcel delivery person has its UPS and downs.

   all females should smile it's the second best thing you can do with your lips

   Ok Charlie , If thats winning I want to be a loser the rest of my life

   Come on Rob Zombie, where's some more horror films?!

   87% of the time I'm on facebook, I'm taking a poop!

   I like my women like how I like my dogs. Loyal, color-blind, and my best friend.

   ‎My teddy bears in the wash, may I cuddle with you tonight.

   Go hang a salami and I'm a lasagna hog are the same backwards.

   i wish I was a white crayon , So no one could use me

   The ladies call me Mr. Plow and I don't even have a plow.

   Dear Best Buy truck driver , thanks for the fresh load of fertilizer in my shorts . Next time look both ways before pulling out .

   Damn babe are you Obama’s birth certificate because my mom doesn't believe you exist

   I hate when I walk into Abercrombie and Fitch and I see pictures of me, all over their walls..

   Fun game: Send texts to random numbers saying "OK they're Dead, what should I do with the bodies?"

   If people ask how many kids you have don't say negative two. No one wants to hear about your abortions.

   n't it ironic when you put THE and IRS together it beomes "theirs"? hmmm

   No matter how old you are an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a Sword!

   I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. Still not sure how he put them on.

   If you are down and depressed and don't know what to do, just remember, Nationwide is on your side.