Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
hated it when old aunts used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. 
Ever been sitting in church and get that feeling, you know the one........like when someone is trying to sell you a crappy used car.
Wonder if being a parcel delivery person has its UPS and downs.
all females should smile it's the second best thing you can do with your lips
Ok Charlie , If thats winning I want to be a loser the rest of my life
Come on Rob Zombie, where's some more horror films?!
87% of the time I'm on facebook, I'm taking a poop!
I like my women like how I like my dogs. Loyal, color-blind, and my best friend.
My teddy bears in the wash, may I cuddle with you tonight.
Go hang a salami and I'm a lasagna hog are the same backwards.
i wish I was a white crayon , So no one could use me
The ladies call me Mr. Plow and I don't even have a plow.
Dear Best Buy truck driver , thanks for the fresh load of fertilizer in my shorts . Next time look both ways before pulling out .
I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. Still not sure how he put them on.
If you are down and depressed and don't know what to do, just remember, Nationwide is on your side.
Eventually everything will be offensive and we'll go back to living in caves.
I will believe corporations are people when Texas executes one
Uranus was the first planet discovered with a telescope. I didn't know planets had telescopes...
No bids on Jay Cutler autographed football at charity event. Because he didn't sign it Tom Brady. . .
Accidentally went grocery shopping hungry and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 6... 