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likes to fill up the bath, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's jus been hit. 
a four time olympic gold medal winner, and a compulsive liar
dreamed he ate a 10lb marshmellow, when I woke up the pillow was gone!!! WTF
You are the rain to my showers, the April to my flowers, the fresh to my air, you are the sun to my set, you make my day beautiful.
Who says women don't like simple, cheap things..we like guys don't we?
"Vini, Vedi, Velcro... I came I saw I stuck around!"
I passed a Deloreon the other day. I thought... 1985 had Ronald Reagan, Rambo, rubics cube, mullets and Bon Jovi. Why would anyone time travel 2010? Obama, Justin Bieber, and Glee are enough reasons to try a different decade.
Being born gaa why is the dumbest statement. You barely know how to walk but you already figured out your sex ual preference??? Fohhhhh
Jesus: "Spare the lives of the over 30,000 children due to die from starvation today or help Tebow log a symbolic 316 yards against the Steelers? Hmmm..."
Once the authorities say the shooter suffers from mental issues, then you automatically know its code for he is a white male.
Ladies, it doesn't hurt to douche y'know
wife: "hunny, I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear" . . . husband: "kitchen, living room, dining room, bed room, should I keep going?" . . .
Freedom itself was attacked by a faceless coward 11 yrs ago, that faceless coward....THE GOVERNMENT
"life is just like Mario brothers, you have to slay a few dragons to get to the princess"
so bored that she would actually resort to homework
feels stupid when he writes the word banana. Its like, how many na's are on this thing? ‘Cause I'm like ‘Bana … keep going.... Bananana … damn.
more dire need of a blow job than any other white man in history
a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good good night
( . )Y( . ) Boobies!!
under your bed... 