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Every eight minutes, someone has sex with an animal...and you wonder why they attack you. 
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! D Troen
Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films."Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."
would be high on Life, but she doesn't want to snort the milk.
Big win for the Catholic church as Pope Francis takes Time Magazine's person of the year barely edging out finalists tea bagger Ted Cruz, prostitute Miley Cyrus, and worst president since Jefferson Davis Barack Obama.
uh huh you know what it is.. green and yellow.. green and yellow..
Walking thru a spider web instantly turns you into a ninja
harvesting paperclips from work
OMG! Jesus is back! .... Hide the eggs!
Gas is going up even higher and no way Obama will help. Democrats love high gas prices because they blame it on the republicans, and they think people driving less is better for going green.
My real mom put me up for adoption because the cat was allergic to me
There is a guy walking down the street. He has sagging pants, a hoodie with the hood up, and a gold chain. He walks into a convenient store and pulls out a gun and says "Give me all of the money!" Quick, What was the race of the guy in your imagination?
America already had a circus for 8 years when we had dumbo I mean Obama as president
Don't celebrate Rush Limbaugh's death. Mourn his life.
Lindt have just released the CHOCOLATE COATED TAMPON..... (but only for the EASTER PERIOD)
Anyone who says single moms don't do both roles of a mother & father when the father doesn't spend time or money with his children is THE DEAD BEAT we are referring to!!
wondering why x is referring to x self in 3rd person
Breaking News: Verizon has been called in to engineer the electricals.
Remember everyone’s fighting their own private battle. For example we’re out of corn chips so I ate salsa with potato chips and lost part of my soul
writing her acceptance speech for the upcoming Grammy's. 