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Why aren't Cadbury eggs available year round? 
Someone was blocking the grocery aisle with their cart, so naturally I walked over one aisle to get around them like an adult.
Stupid dog keeps eating the cat food but I don't have the heart to tell her it's not actually made out of cats.
It's pronounced PokeMON. Not PokeMAN, grandpa. You've completely ruined this baptism.
Happy to say that I'm losing weight like crazy! And if you want to know how I did it logout of Facebook.
COP: someone's been cutting everyone's christmas lights but not yours ME: I have no idea why a crustacean- I mean person would do that [my pet lobster Susan slowly puts her big pincer behind her back]
If you can read this, you're going to be pretty disappointed in what I "got you" for christmas.
All my friends just got fired from the rodeo. It was a real Cowboy boot.
I wonder if the hats, which were made in China, are infected with the coronavirus?
ALL STREAMING SERVICES SHOULD BE FREE AT THIS TIME!
After 32 days of quarantining, I'm officially a f@t cu^ t.
They say the Ugliest parents make the most beautiful babies .. Damn girl your parents must be Fugly
Bought some prescribe pills to improve my memory. But I keep forgetting to take them.
As a mother, I knew one day I would have to deal with the issue of bullying. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon and to my fish.
The mandatory mask rules are preventing fire breathing dragons from defending themselves. Please vote Pro-Dragon.
Cars these days have so many sensors and rear cameras you gotta work extra hard to run someone over
You think jumping out of an airplane is dangerous? Pfft…try going to Trader Joe’s when you’re starving to death.
One of the most cherished memories of Christmastime at my house when I was a kid was my mom putting out even more towels that I wasn't allowed to use.
Don't forget to wave smile and wish your neighbors a Merry Christmas who are kind like Facebook friends you might not really know either, but live closer.
I imagine after the pandemic when people start socializing again Facebook is going to be about as popular as Myspace. 