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I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious. Laughing at my ex-pence. 
that myspace and facebook should team up together so that you can invite your friends to come on myface.
Just ran into the ex-girlfriend. She's doing fine ...but my poor car was totaled beyond recognition
The ultimate rejection is when your hand falls asleep while jacking off.
Tampax will discontinue tampons with strings on them, it appears that midgets have been stepping on the string.
Anyone else notice the only difference between Obama and Osama is BS?!
Doctor, Doctor give me the news I gotta bad case of OBAMA blues.
I never knew what a sweet dream was.... Until I fell asleep thinking about you...”
Just took a dump and thought to myself... What did people do before iPhones? How awkward it must have been reading them huge newspapers.
Did I accidentally log into the Grand Wizards Facebook profile page this morning?
said "See You Next Tuesday" isn't an invitation to meet up
if a funeral possession is at night, do people drive with their lights off???
1am... husband is snoring so loud I can't sleep! Tomorrow night I'm getting out the spray bottle and when he starts I'm giong to squirt him like a bad puppy! Yeah, I'll let you know that one turns out.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
so I slept on a park bench last night..no hobo
- Justin AmatterofsecondswasknownworldwidetobeacompletedoucheBieber.
named his dog Egypt cause he leave pyramids all around the house.
OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans ?
What the f**k's wrong with your face?! Christ on a bike, next time you're smiling, warn me
Why do people look up when they think? 