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Ladies, if the bra doesn't fit don't wear one! No need seeing them two looking like two bald men fighting 
Hi, I was just curious cause I saw you noticing me so I'm just giving you a notice that I noticed you after you noticed me. Shall we chat or continue flirting from a distance?
I bet the homeless are really nice people. They never wake up on the wrong side of the bed.
Facebook: You already know a person by looking at his/her profile even if you never met or talked to that person in your entire life
just learned that the human head weighs about 10lbs. So if you're looking to loose those last pesky 10lbs... it looks like you should stop using the treadmill and start using the guillotine.
I think the grammatically correct way to describe my current Christmas disposition would have to be "present tense".
If I had it my way my ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future would be Raquel Welch, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Alba.
My girlfriend complains that I don't tell her how much I love her. I don't want to upset her.
sounds like plasticmortal got to have their very first beer... f new years eve...
going to attempt to quad boot.... (Windows 7,OSX snow lepord, Ubuntu 10.04 and Chrome OS!) ...my poor laptop... I will format you back to just windows soon...
If George Washington never told a lie...then how did he get elected?
went three doors down & fell into a puddle of mudd...had to tie a slipknot to get out>>
Why were hurricanes normally named after women?Because when they come they are wet and wild.But when they do they take your house & car with them ;-)
likes to think that when I squish an ant, its final thought is, "Good. Being an ant blows."
To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness...
What is the difference between the English soccer team and an albatross? An albatross has 2 good wings.
next year I'm wrapping all of our Christmas presents in bubble wrap....it will be like two gifts in one!!!!
What's my favorite animal? A Grey Goose duh,,
Part-time christians are out in full force being a Sunday and all.
Froget Punxsutawney, I'm predicting March 21st. 