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Attending community college without student aid has made me realize some things. 1. Never rely on the bus as your only form of transport. Buses break down. 2. Mixing Taco Bell sauce with Top Ramen tastes exactly like poverty. 
ran my first 5k today...finally I said, "Lady, take your purse!!"
There are people I meet I could write a beautiful novel about, than there are those I could write a murder mystery about and have them die a horrible death. . .
Toronto's Mayor Rob Ford ...is this really a PRANK show and Ashton Kutcher is going to come out at the end and tell us we've been PUNK'D
If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.
having a hard time groing his sunflower, maby I should'nt have eaten the insides
I've been given two weeks to live. The wife's gone away for a fortnight.
~Heidi Klum & I have resigned as Victoria's Secret models. I wanted you to hear this sad news directly from me and not your crazy neighbor Earle.
I work hard for the money......maybe someday I'll get to see it and enjoy it.
Does womens restrooms have attendants in the fancy strip clubs? If so how do I apply?
CALL 1-800-OUR-BAD, IF YOUR BRAKES DONT WORK.
As things that I find gratifying as an adult goes, being at work and getting paid to take a dump is very high on the list since it is something you can do daily.. I encourage everyone to do this now! And if you wanna take it to the next level, rub one out
i am sick , radiating moon beams from my television ..reinforce my mass produce neurosis .....filter through bacon pies and and down spouts of grease help my shoes walk another day ..pass fears and smiles of everyday people
pointing blow dryers at passing cars.
Playing x-box.. Err, I mean Lifting Weights
thinks it's a dog eat dog world, and he somehow ended up wearing ground beef underpants.
knows Victoria's secret
thinking about sex, pondering about what the risks are and what you can catch. Then it hit me....Life, is sexually transmitted.
was pulled over and arrested for DUI. They police said my blood/awesome level was 10x over the legal limit.
think you should be wearing the sign "may contain small parts" 