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Dear Mr Sandman ~ I think you lost my address for some reason. If you want to bring me a dream you can deposit it in my bank account!! 
Does it count as naked if you're wearing a hat? I say yes.
swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
apologizing doesnt always mean ur wrong and the other person is right, just means you value ur realationship more then your ego.
I'm so gangsta that you change the channels with the remote sideways!
What's the right age to tell your kids Canada isn't real?
Did you hear about the woman who liked it in the ear? Everytime you try to put it in her mouth she'll turn her head...
1990: I like big butts and I can not lie! 2005: Booty, booty, booty, booty- rockin everywhere! 2011: Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass!
In other news from Rome, the Italian police were tipped about a major pedophile ring gathering on the outskirts of Rome....Oh crap! It's the papal conclave. Nothing to do about that....yet!
You know you're drunk when you swerve to miss a tree and it's the air freshener in your car!!!!
Everyone complains about octomom but everyone loves the duggars who popped out 20+ of those things. Shows you americans don't understand how much octo means
"the greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally makeup the source.” – George Washington
God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
My probation officer didn't check on me tonight.....THUG LIFE
Guns don't kill people , My cousin does!!!
Ophrah needs to hang with Jennifer Hudson
Bert and Ernie...it's ok to be gay, it's 2011. Just get married and get it over with.
♫ “The best part of waking up…. is not dying in your sleep!” ♫
Hillary doesn't suck, it's all those people who support her that suck!
Majority of guys mocking the women march are 30-year old virgins who still live in their mum's basement. Most of them will be m asturbating on Valentine's Day and have never seen a live v agina in their pathetic lives. 