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Other countries would fear us more if, instead of a nickname for a holding cell, the "Drunk Tank" were an actual weapon. 
This just in... Lebron James chose Sunny D over the purple stuff!
thinking about some chicken fried, cold beer, and wearing a pair of jeans that fit just right!
Welcome to my world:-)...Oh yeah, I forgot..your not in it..:-/
about to give his doodle dandy a yankee
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom
good one Tim. Though, I think the original was better yesterday morning.
Stealth Abs - When your ripped six pack is covered by a layer of fat.
why is it whenur watchin a movie and some one says"dude did you see that" no I payed $6.00 to sit and watch the floor
My friends cars gas tank is on E. And we're still driving. Call me crazy.......but I think we just beat the system!
I quit eating...cold turkey...now I microwave it..
Dear Santa, Let me explain about last year..
wondering if they could invent a self cleaning oven, why can't they invent a self cleaning house?
Confucius says man who argue with wife all day get no piece at night...
2 tickets to Paradise and isn't taking you.
beauty is in the eye of the BEER holder.
6 out of 10 people wash their hands after using the bathroom, 4 out 10 use soap, 3 out of 10 actually wait for the water to get hot also.
a little piece of me dies everyday... in a tubesock shoved to the bottom of my laundry hamper... thanks mom
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
"There is always the one girl out there that got away. Guys have that ... and serial killers have that." 