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They gave Obama bobbleheads to all fans 18 and over today at Tiger stadium. 
I have an immigration plan all americans will support. The hot chicks are allowed to stay. The fat chicks and the guys get sent back to Mexico.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for mufuckas who are late for work.
Religions frequently promote inbred social networks. You're encouraged to spend more time with people who share the same belief system while disengaging from those with incompatible beliefs.
I can't take you seriously if your skirt is so short I can see your tampon string
Mexico beat us in soccer. That is bs! The government should start mass deportations asap.
Imagine an orange draft dodger telling you "He knew what he signed up for". I would rather be told this by a real war hero like McCain instead.
No, I don't want to hold your baby. It looks sticky.
Hello dangerous young man! Come and look at our extensive range of military grade, rapid - fire weapons, that can easily eliminate any normal people that question your anti - social and sadistic tendencies!
feeling warm all over. Now the part I hate, cleaning up.
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
Where did all the "drill baby drill!" people go?
Gonna dress in drag and head on up to Chik-Fil-A!
BREAKING: Lady Gaga gains weight, decides to release new single "Porker Face".
I was on the shopping network. corrections FoxNews. When did the WhiteHouse becomes QVC?
When you subscribe to an established religion, you have only two options. You can become an idiot, or you can become a hypocrite.
An older woman who likes young guys is a cougar. An older man who likes young guys is a Nittany Lion.
I hate it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. For the third time, I do not want to go to your cat's birthday party! Besides, my dog is receiving his First Communion that day.
Dear Jesus, what’s up bro. Please don’t let Ben Affleck mess up Batman. Please dude. I need this. Oh, and like peace in Syria or whatever.
The most impressive miracle Jesus performed in the Bible was how he just went from 12 to 30 years without anyone noticing. 