Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm so old when I was a kid the only kind of positive post we knew was on a car battery.

   Ask Alexa "Do (state a color or race) lives matter?" and listen to the different responses...

   Women used to throw their underwear at Elvis Presley. If he were alive today, they'd be throwing their Depends.

   Seriously… The Chick-fil-A drive-through workers could’ve counted these votes by now… and they’d give you a “my pleasure!“ while doing it. 😐

   I know some surfer chicks who started a prostitution ring. They call themselves the Wavy Lays.

   It’s always the same old story. I meet a woman, things are going great, then my puppet starts screaming

   Corned beef and cabbage this.

   Not only do we get a new James Bond, but he will now require a Visa to do missions in Europe.

   Reading red meat is bad for you so i'm giving up reading

   America: Diet coke, large pizzas.

   What's so bad about the Zika virus anyway? Some people like a little head.

   Usain Bolt is the world's fastest man, but if they had a sex olympics my husband would be in the hunt for the title.

   Jimmy Fallon is boring.

   I live in Los Angeles. We already have Taco Trucks on every corner, and it's wonderful!!!

   After it was announced that 29 people were Injured in the NY Bombing, Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson was Thankful that ‘Nobody Got Hurt’

   "Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon. Going to the candidates' debate. Laugh about it, shout about it When you've got to choose Every way you look at this you lose" - Simon and Garfunkel (1968)

   Moving is so fun, finally found this chloroform, hey does it taste expired to y....

   Going to the Guns 'n Roses concert tonight. I hope the noise doesn't give me cancer tonight.

   Choked on my coffee this morning so I guess I'm done for my daily cardio.

   My Ex was so ugly that when she went to a nude beach she was asked to cover her face