Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It is a different kind of quiet when you go from talking to someone everyday to nothing, even if they live in another city.....

   Where are you going on Thanksgiving? Also, where do you keep your valuables?

   People say I'm too condescending (that means I talk down to people).

   I met a nice, down to Earth woman. After a few minutes of random conversation, I casually remarked, "I'll bet anything that you're not at all materialistic." She said, "I hate sewing, so no."

   Now I ain't saying she's a golddigger, but the spelunking helmet and metal shavings on her work gloves certainly suggest she might be

   Dinosaurs deserved it.

   My safe word is Obamacare.

   "Happy Earth Day! Our planet looks pretty good for only being 6,000 years old!" - Ken Ham.

   what are these feelings you speak of?

   As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".

   How do I politely tell someone's too ugly for me to accept their FB friend request?

   i cant believe that cop put me in the backseat when I clearly called shotgun

   It's just a rough patch. ~ my entire life apparently

   James Watson, the scientist that discovered the DNA double helix, believes that "stupidity" is a genetic condition that can be cured. So chin up, buttercup. There is hope for you yet!

   Was watching the Katy Perry Halftime Show and a tribute to Owen Hart broke out...

   I am more likely to answer a call of nature than your call.

   I'd tell you to go to Hell, but that just means I'd have to see you again.

   Between Bruce Jenner and the Kardashians, they should all be court ordered to go to driving school.

   The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea & stomach pains. A kind of feeling that a husband gets when he sees his wife going through his phone ..

   I thank God for my daughter every day. How else would I know I'm "So stupid".