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promoting global warming. 
Advanced age my butt. The Pope is stepping down to take a job at the Boy Scouts because of the shortage of alter boys.
My homeless Sign would be... "Why live in a 1 million dollar house, when you could live under a 30 million dollar bridge"
I think Ninja is actually spelled Kninja but the "K" is not only silent, but you can't even see it because it's F'ing NINJA!
Obeying the stay at home order, I've been doing a lot of house cleaning. In the basement I found my kid's old Speak and Spell, which I immediately mailed to the white house.
If Kamala is such a ho, why can't I find any nude pics of her on the internet, unlike a certain someone I know?
Lets party like a White Guy who thinks he's black and has some black friends but most of his friends are white!!
Now matter how old you are, No matter how much you think you're a Badass.. If a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!
spitting in your general direction
going to the dark side they have cookies
Adam: oh look the McRib is back Eve: stop calling me that!!!
saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and he thought, ‘That is cool.' But then he saw another guy wearing a leather vest and he thought, ‘That is not cool'. Then he figured it out: ‘Cool' is all about leather sleeves.
thinks it is just about time for people to get off their dead asses and start looking into all of the corn that Jimmy has been cracking.
's Friend was hit by a dodge, which I found to he/she found both funny and ironic
nothing is impossible coz impossible itself says "i m possible"
taking a kung-fu class with Grandmaster Shou-Yu Liang. because he will show YOU how its done
you`ll notice after reading this notice, that this notice isn`t worth noticing... So why did you read this notice?
reset the alarm clock from AM to PM...haha you missed work!
wants you to take that R2 unit to Anchorhead and have it's memory erased. That'll be the end of it. It belongs to us now.
as nervous as a Christian scientist with appendicitis. 