Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Now matter how old you are, No matter how much you think you're a Badass.. If a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

   spitting in your general direction

   going to the dark side they have cookies

   Adam: oh look the McRib is back Eve: stop calling me that!!!

   saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and he thought, ‘That is cool.' But then he saw another guy wearing a leather vest and he thought, ‘That is not cool'. Then he figured it out: ‘Cool' is all about leather sleeves.

   thinks it is just about time for people to get off their dead asses and start looking into all of the corn that Jimmy has been cracking.

   's Friend was hit by a dodge, which I found to he/she found both funny and ironic

   nothing is impossible coz impossible itself says "i m possible"

   taking a kung-fu class with Grandmaster Shou-Yu Liang. because he will show YOU how its done

   you`ll notice after reading this notice, that this notice isn`t worth noticing... So why did you read this notice?

   reset the alarm clock from AM to PM...haha you missed work!

   wants you to take that R2 unit to Anchorhead and have it's memory erased. That'll be the end of it. It belongs to us now.

   as nervous as a Christian scientist with appendicitis.

   So if the Mayans are right, does that mean this is the last Christmas to be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future?

   If a real fat man grabs you & throws you in a bag don't panic it's just santa collecting his ho's. I'm updating this in the bag. Bring alcohol!

   My South Beach diet says no alcohol: I figure it like this wine is made from fruit, brandy is distilled wine, Gin is made from juniper berries and beer and whiskey are also made out of wholesome grains. Got to be healthy, bottoms up!

   I have two Italian grandmothers..I am impervious to guilt.

   2.I've given up the search for reality; now I'm just looking for a good fantasy.

   I often wonder if the passive-aggressive Facebook status updates of others are aimed at me.

   Dear FB users, quit using lower case i's and quit putting them right in front (with no space) of the next consonant....it's not cute anymore.