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Being a nobody and getting your head pumped up by a bunch of other nobodys does NOT make you a somebody. 0 + 0 is still 0...Just FYI... 
the best parties is the ones you dont remember
My neighbors always listen to deep-throat movies with the volume cranked up all the way...whether they want to or not !!
A good plan tonight is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. So get her buzzed before the club lights come on & she gets a good look at you.
I can think of 14 tweets about cat buttholes but I don't want you to think I'm insane or anything.
Laughter burns calories.
this is the earliest I've ever been late...
I lose interest in books and movies that take place in the past because, hello, I know I turn out just fine.
PSA: Red Bull does NOT give you actual wings. It gives you the false sense of wings. I learned this the hard way today. Luckily the frozen ground broke my fall.
the proud sponsor of this "I don't give a f**k" expression I currently have whilst you complain about everything!
The one time I wish my phone would cut off a day before Valentine's Day, Sprint decides to call me and give me an extra 7 days to make a payment..........(-_-)yeesh
APPY MARDI GRAS! May your every slice of King cake have a little bitty baby in it, may your good times roll and may your parade be never ending. Now where are my beads???
Yes girl, you are all that AND a bad case of V.D. get over yourself!
You do. And you know that you do. So Stop acting like you don't. Because you do.
I never understood what liking large asses had to do with being fallacious, but who am I to question the genius of a knighted rapper.
Guys note: When a woman offers to help you paint your bedroom ceiling, she means butterflies and flowers using Dutch Boy and a brush.
Some people are jus born awesome.
Say a prayer for Sparky, I just ate Taco Bell.
Some call it love, I call it vodka.
"Honesty is still the best policy, but with a little bit of common sense"...
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