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made it his main ambition in life to put the fun back into funeral 
Time sure flies when your drunker than hell.
Everybody knows everything that happens in Mario games is just one of Mario's (likely shroom-influenced) dreams. Peach is that woman that he dreams of but can't go after because he's married. Bowser represents his current wife.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
thinking of exercising with this NY Detox but, I think I get enough of that by fighting sleep, jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, running ragged, dodging responsibilty and pushing my luck.
Happy National Nothing Day!
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me...
Ilistening to country music and reminiscing about all of the bad things. . . all of the sad things that never happened to me.
Taking it to the streets, Welcome To the Revolution. God Bless America.
i wanna grow up to be like Steve Stifler
wants a Web redemption
Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.
I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it Kramer?
outside of all the killing, washington has the lowest crime rate in the country
You know you have way too many Facebook friends and need to clean up your act when you search through your friends for someone named "Taffy" and it gives you choices.
used to have a machete, but times have changed
No I don't need new shoes, I just want them!
After hearing someone just ramble on and on on the phone or in person, don't you just wish they would become verbally impotent?
players never die, they just try their luck at a different table 