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Please tell your breast to quit staring at me! 
I truly believe that the key difference between men and women, is that a man can break a woman's heart, but a woman will sh!t IN a man's heart...
hand over the casey anthony case to law and order svu...they have it solve in a hour
Only Fat people follow KFC on twitter.
If you think my wife is hot you should see my girlfriend.
18 school shootings since Jan. 1st...by the same generation that eats laundry detergent...and you wanna say we have a gun problem.
The president is offering cure advice with disinfectant to a country who require NOT FOR RECTAL USE warnings on curling irons
Not standing for the national anthem is considered offensive, but rallying a hate group is considered freedom of speech? I'm convinced, you people are messed up in the head.
WARNING: If you see a link that tells you to, "Click For Free Nickelback Tickets!", Do not click!! I repeat, DO NOT CLICK!!!! It directs you to a link that will actually give you free Nickelback tickets!!!!
got a Rolex for his birthday from the lesbians next door. I think they misunderstood me when I said 'I wanna watch'
Osama 0 - Obama 1
Press the F13 button to get a surprise! Yeah that's right ;-)
im no gynecologist...but I'll take a look ;)
Sarah Palins name is becoming so big, That she can no longer see Russia from her house.
Lean pockets: for those of you who don't eat meat, but still like diarrhea.
#ThoughtsWhileLosingVirginity.........."So this is what all the hype is about huh"
I'm writing a book about cheap imported cars... It's a real Saab story.
In school days I used to hate that guy/girl who always reminds the teacher about tests and vivas
You use your phone as a flashlight at night and hit random buttons to keep it lit.
Boyfriend not calling you back? Send a text you're about to cut off all your hair. Ahhhh there he is! 