Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Lance Amstrong! You know what they say! Once you learn how to ride a bike on performance enhancing drugs, you never forget!

   Life is like art done in chalk, beautiful but temporary, enjoy it while possible.

   I have never heard the word Weiner said so much on TV before.....it's like an on air sausage-fest.

   Back in my day there were only 151 Pokémon...

   I would have emailed sooner, but my cat ate my mouse.

   Just Because You Know My Name Doesn't Mean You KNOW Me

   hates it when someone constantly complains about the town they live it. Here's a thought.....move if you don't like it! But quit your bit#&ing!

   wondering what all the Vegitarians are doing for Thanksgiving.

   This job thing is for the birds, how does one go about signing up for the welfare?

   never, ever, ever under any circumstances take a laxative and sleeping pill on the same night

   made two batches of brownies at a friend's house, one plain and one special. accidentally brought the wrong batch home to my very mormon mother. she's laughing her ass off at george carlin right now

   Brett Favre was fined $50,000. That's a slap on the back of the hand. They didn't want to slap the front because God knows where it's been recently.

   Lady at the table next time mine just told the waiter "Oh, I just wanted one teabag with that." I'm holding back the laughter.

   If you were naked in bed, laying between Cheryl Cole and Alan Carr, which one would you face and which one would you turn your back to?

   If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.

   having pink taco's for dinner

   A friday with out Booze is like a Church without a priest...

   Did you know your Index finger is a perfect fit for your nostril?

   Frankly, 'm surprised BP hasn't called Tiger Woods, given his expertise in filling golf holes

   Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.......or swallow... In that case, call me ;)